Ask Kscribe!

Ask KScribe!

Well, it is like this....got a problem? Ask Kscribe. This is a new service (Benefit) offered for a limited time only, here on the Painful Truth Forum and website! Yes Kscribe, the most beloved character here on the forum, not to mention the most antagonistic SOB, wants to help you in your time of need! All replies are answered in the order of importance!
Disclaimer of Endorsement: Reference herein to any specific advice, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, by the Author. The views and opinions of the Author herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the The Painful Truth Forum, and shall not be used for gossip, or product endorsement purposes!
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OTHERWISE...TRUST ME!!!
Kscribe

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Aug 13, 04
Kscribe,
What is the exact value of R(8,8), the "small Ramsey Number" for parameters 8 and 8? -- Todd

Todd,

Good of you to write me!
So sorry Todd, but this is a personal help lifeline! It is written,
"Try not my servant for he is sent of the Lord and will smitten you with a sharp stick to your eye" 1Kscribe 3:16

It is also written somewhere...
"Those who test the waters of wisdom and think lofty of themselves shall have their testicles boiled before them, then all shall know that he is a servant of the Most High"

So Todd, as you can see, I fear for your safety when you act so smug and holier than Kscribe (as if that was possible)! If I was you, I would wear a "CUP"!!!
Rev. Kscribe.
(On Edit: None of your business)

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August 15, 04

Kscribe,

Aha...I shaint be fooled by the likes of you. As we all know, the good book has warned us about you. For those who are not familiar with the warning, I shall bear the burden of exposing you as the burka pushing charlatan that you are.

Matthew 23 gives us fair warning of your mentality of coercion.
Notice...vs.13 "Woe unto you Kscribe, pharisees and Hypocrates" ( yes, he too is included in this warning)

Again verse 14 gives us the same warning only a little more.
"Woe unto you Kscribe, pharisees and Hypocrates, for you devour/ravish the widows in their houses..." and "you shall receive the greater condoms". Not only are you in the business of devouring and ravishing widows but you also demand the greater condoms.

Notice in verse 23, you not only desire my mint and cummin but also my anise. That is beyond bad.

Not only are you a lousy dish washer as told in verses 25 and 26 but you also keep dead men's bones in stock ( verse 27). That is a dastardly act and terribly non-hygienic.

Verse 28 and 29...Holier than thou, INDEED!
" Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
Woe to you, Kscribe and Pharisees..."

I'm sure the burdens that you try to heap upon mankind's shoulders are simply the sorry old burkas that you insist the women wear...( as told in verse 4!!!)

You also make your prophylactics broad and enlarge your clothing and insist upon sitting in the best seats of the sin-agags. ( I'm not sure what is wrong with enlarging your clothing but I'm sure it is very bad...) vs. 5-7

All in all, the scriptures expose you for the self-righteous, lawless burka pusher that you are.

Beware to all: Run, run.......run! Don't listen to Kscribe. He will steal your mint and cummin ( and possibly your tumeric too)
He is not the holy one that he claims to be but is a bone collecting, gnat straining, camal swallowing, burka pushing, self righteous individual. I know...for it is written...!

------ L_____.

Dear L____,
I have recieved your grievous posting and find myself confused and hurting. However it would appear that your note is simply a criticism of Kscribe for a wide range of complaints, and as a result of your conclusionary, unfounded, and untrue statements you ask that others that need help to "Run, run.......run! Don't listen to Kscribe. He will steal your mint and cummin ( and possibly your tumeric too)"
Whatever your real motives, Kscribe respectfully but unequivocally and emphatically denies that I "devour/ravish the widows in their houses...". I respectfully but unequivocally and emphatically deny your charges and absolutely contest your accusations, and note that I do not deny my students and fans, who are represented in all professions and careers and who lead productive lives as good citizens of countries around the world, my wisdom and knowledge and of course the Christ like example I strive to project!
Kscribe has a responsible role in society. I reject your allegations as being without foundation and false.
L____, whatever the source of your problems, it may be wise to seek professional counseling. It is beyond the scope of Kscribe's spiritual mission to supply people who allow a "root of bitterness" to grow and fester like something in Loma Armstrongs bowels!
This reply is the final one you will receive from Kscribe on this matter. A lack of response to other posts simply be reconfirmation of what is stated here. Kscribe is saddened by any and all experiences in your life that have caused you pain, whatever the cause.I trust that you will continue to seek a spiritual solution for the "root of bitterness that you have allowed to grow within your heart!!!
Sincerely,
Kscribe.BA., B.D., M.Th., Ph.D., D.PHIL., B.Sc.

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Aug 15, 04
Kscribe:
Can you tell me why burka's are better clothing for women then any other? -- Anna
Anna,
A Burka protects you from men, who without your permission, undress you with their eyes! Lustful men who sexually fanta"size" making love to you in ways a women cannot understand! This is the PLAIN TRUTH of why a women MUST wear a Burka! It is for your honor & protection. Here in Nevada the girly shows now feature women in Burkas instead of the sinful skimpy bikini tops that were worn in the past! Investigating sin is my job with the state of Nevada! I recently went to the "Mens Club" to find out if they were "Burka Compliant" They were not and I closed the establishment! Read about it here! http://www.lapdance.com/
Now, you don't wanna land up corrupt like those who you just viewed do you? L___ has corrupted her soul, you are sweet and innocent! Stay that way> www.getmethatburkanow.org or
http://www.modestapparelusa.com/
Nevada State Morals Investigator. Badge #69
Kscribe.

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August 19, 04

Dear Kscribe,

I've been having a hard time this week. My wife and kids are away and I rented "The People vs Larry Flynt" for the sole purpose of seeing Courtney Love naked. It turns out I acually liked the movie and would have taken Flynt's side in every one of his court cases. If I tell my wife what a great movie it was she'll want to watch it, but then she's sure to see very quickly why I picked it up in the first place. If I don't tell her, she'll wonder why I keep moaning Courtney's name throughout the night. What can you suggest? -- C.
Dear C___,
Now that you have allowed corruption into your soul there is but one solution! Change your wife's name to "Courtney"
Logic By:
Kscribe.

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August 20, 04

"My daughter is 17, and has a 20 year old boyfriend.... He isn't in the church. Should I be concerned?"

-- Clueless Cincinnati Church Mom

Kscribe sayeth:

Dear Clueless,
My concern is the age difference between your daughter and her boyfriend, along with the religious indifference! Unequal yokes between your daughter & the boy toy will create friction that "MAY" lead your daughter out if the Church of God!!! What is lacking here is parental leadership! Your daughter may well be pregnant/or in the process as we talk!!! God wants a bride to be pure of heart and body! When Jesus returns, he looks forward to a bride, not a sleazy whore! My instructions are for you to put this young whore on birth control pills and to instruct her on the proper method on how to masturbate! No, this is not instructions on how to fish, but on how not to get caught into Satan’s trap by giving birth to some little "Bastard" that will be despised by the local membership!!! Your Eternity depends on it, Dear.......
Reverend Kscribe.

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August 26, 04

Dear Rev K

Would you please produce documentation and "utter" proof for your BS and FU degrees. And exactly what is your BS and FU in? (into?) Do you have a major-minor, or a minor-major, or a major-major, or are you just a mere minor-minor?

I also need clarification on exactly what level of truth you have. This is a critical issue for proving your entire ministry. Are you still stuck in the "new" truth, or do you have newer truth that has replaced the "old" new truth? Has gawd clarified all of the gaps that he did not include with the "first" new truth that is mere "milk" of the word before he revealed newer new truth that is sausage (beef of course), which then grows into the newest of the new truth that is the real meat of the truth. As opposed to the "non" meat of the truth.

Can you give a righteous accounting of all tithe monies? Offerings? 2nd tithes? Tithe of the tithes? Building fund? GTA Vegas account? GTA hush money account? Slush fund (Sorry, that's 3rd tithes.) How about off-shore "offerings" and off-shore "faith" money?

I do not wish to come across as having a "bad attitude" but I would like some very serious, soul searching, repentant answers that are worthy of passover. Besides, after passover I will be perfectly clean again and I can repent anew.

And finally, have you insured that none of Satan's evil influence, words, doctrines, brain washing, attitudes, and evil have crept into your divinely inspired lyrics and songs?

Jim V

How much longer did you say we had? You said 5 years about 10 years ago. What givess?

Dear Jim,

    Thank you for your submission, although your attitude reflects a UN-submissive and rebellious, if not callous demeanor! The degrees that I possess are all in the majors except for a minor discrepancy. The truth of “Church Doctrine” comes from Jesus Christ our Lord and Timelessness Savior! These new truth’s were old truth’s before the American post Christian revolution warped the truth from the undistorted truth into a demagogue of old truth’s into new revelations of truth. The old truth and the new truth are one and the same, except that the secondary old truth was incorrect before the new truth was incorporated into the Church Doctrine as a new truth! I hope this helps you understand the Church's position on truth!

Now, about the Churches finances: Tithes and offerings finance the work of God. Surely you understand that Gods messenger’s deserves the pittance that is left over from this GREAT WORK THAT NOT EVEN SATAN COULD DESTROY, BUT TRIES IN VAIN TOO! The pay scale of the Ministry is not for public consumption, but I can ensure you that there is little left for food and clothing for the families of these GREAT AND NOBEL MINISTERS THAT WORK FOR ME (for God actually).

Now the building fund for our mailroom is a necessary expense in order to secure all the tithes and offerings that stream in plentifully every day! You may remember, that Satan is a errant angel that seeks to devour the innocent souls tempted by mammon! That is why we have listed with the Security & Exchange Commission as a Corporate Church! Attached here is a symbol and chart of the Gods Church finances! As you can see, God is intensely flourishing his people, the ones who INVEST IN GODS CHURCH!!!

  Now to your shame and everlasting contempt, I see that you have my church mixed up with that Garner Ted Armstrong. I am sorry to communicate that GTA died last September 15^th in the year of our Lord, 2003. May God bring him forth on the erection day!

  Now you asked a sensitive question about third tithes. These funds are used only to benefit our poor widows and orphans. This was necessary so that our “widows” would not find a prerequisite of “another trade” outside of the Churches doctrinal confines! If the Lord moves you, just write a check to: Reverend Kscribe in care of the Webmaster. Your donation may be tax deductible.

Now Jim, you wrote: "Besides, after passover I will be perfectly clean again and I can repent anew”.

·       Now that sounds like a license to sin Sir! We repent because we luv Jesus! NOT SIN!!! Go forth a sin no more my child! No self gratification, no liquor, no smoking and I can give the BLUE SEAL AFFIRMATION that you WILL be SAVED on that great & terrible day of the Lord. (Just a reminder: our Chief Financial Officer believes our stock will soar 10,0000 fold that day. Get in when the getting good!)

Now for your last question. “And finally, have you insured that none of Satan's evil influence, words, doctrines, brain washing, attitudes, and evil have crept into your divinely inspired lyrics and songs?

Yes Sir we are insured by Lloyds of London for and against all attacks from Satan the Deceiver! Good of you to ask! Just goes to show you that GOD LOVES Chairtex, Inc. the place were Jesus shops!

Yes, here at COG Industries, we aim to please !!!

Your friend in Jesus,

Reverend Kscribe.

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December 27, 04

Dear Kscribe,

I am an evangelist...well; actually an apostle...and I lost my wife recently. How long do I have to wait to start screwing around?

I know of a college campus here in Tulsa with some knockout co-eds, and I'd like to start trolling -- er, preaching over there. I mean, these girls are sexually promiscuous, you see, and they need saving. I am just the man to save them. I'd like to acquaint them with the Root of Gerry -- er, Root of Jesse... but I'm still grieving for my dear wife. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Gerry.

Dear Sir,

                 It is not often that I receive a letter from a man of God in these last days! I want to first of all, thank you for confiding in me with your problems. It does seem that there are so many wicked people out in the world that might lead a distressed, suffering soul, such as yourself, amiss! This grieves me exceedingly!

Now to your question’s! First of all, the Bible no where says that you must wait a period of time before marrying again. That is the good news, (unless you “off your wife” then no, you may not remarry) divorce by death! Death has Gods stamp of approval as a reason for remarriage. Now, well understanding that a man has needs, I would counsel you NOT to date Co-eds due to the age difference! These women will just rob you blind, and keeping up with them…. WHEW! Is that what you want Gerry? I think not! Increasingly today, in America , men are allowing WOMEN to rule their lives from the day of their birth until the day of their death! Man is to be in AUTHORITY as God's representative in human society and over all the animal creation, including WOMEN.

The man is expected to "GET ALL YOU CAN" and the women is expected to keep in line!

My advice to you in your time of grieve is to take some time to pray & fast for guidance from our Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ! Ask yourself in time of doubt, What would Jesus do?

Consider the words of Ezekiel:

"Son of Man, prophesy against the Shepherds of Israel, prophesy and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord ETERNAL unto the Shepherds; Woe be to the Shepherds of Israel that do not feed themselves! Should not the Shepherds be feed by the flock? Now to the point. Are you not entitled to a woman of your choice within the congregations of God? Does the Almighty prohibit the union between a man and women who consent to a union? No! A man and a woman - any woman, even a Jezebel - becomes "one flesh" through the erotic exploits of matrimony! So you see my old friend that God approves of ALL our decisions as long as we do it with fear & trembling in the heart!

So may I conclude this brief note of instruction to you my son, as to handling the sick, caliginous grieve, that   fallacious reasoning that is obscured within your autocratic heart, who’s acclaim is a barbarous burden.

Sincerely,

Rev. Kscribe

P.S. Latest updates on COG Industries. Great gains since the F.O.T. Hedge Fund Investors are going wild, as they perceive “The Church” is making big gains in the sale of our main product. Keep up the contributions. Someone up there is telling me that The Lord is going to provide for you big time….very, very soon! Just keep those dues rolling in!

Editor's Note: All opinions and thoughtful solutions presented here are possibly not Politically Correct. As with all things, drink in moderation, and always keep a set of "C" size batteries handy for that occasional guest who forgot hers. It's the right thing to do.

10/26/2006

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