THE GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF
GOD
Where the plain truth lies...
Herbert W. Armstrong
Living-Impaired Apostle
May 19, 1999
DEAR BRETHREN AND CO-WORKERS OF GOD'S WEBSITE,
I'll make no bones about it, this is the most difficult letter I have ever been called on to write. I would give my Steuben Crystal casket rather than write it if that could nullify what Satan has done to make this letter necessary. Satan knows he now has but a SHORT TIME to try to take away the jewels, jets and Swedish spas required to complete the Work!!
In the past few months the Graveyard Church of God has moved dynamically to set God's Work BACK ON THE TRACK -- restoring God's hyper text transfer protocol (http) form of organization and administration of the Work -- restoring HARMONY and PEACE -- powerfully calling on all of you to rededicate your lives to tithing.
All this is GOOD NEWS -- wonderfully good news, but I have to remind you that Satan is ALERT to move instantly, powerfully, and with all his cunning to DECEIVE the people of God. During these past months I have sensed a CONSPIRACY to bring about a complete "takeover" of the entire Website.
The Caretaker told me only yesterday that many times behind my back, in meetings called by those at the Headquarters Crypt, my wife of fifty years made many overt or even sarcastic remarks tending to discredit her husband. She spread the rumor that my mind was "ROTTEN!!" SHE HAS CALLED ME AN "OLD FOOL" DIRECTLY ON THE WEBSITE!!!! She is guilty of what she herself accuses -- her mind has become filled with BITTERNESS, ANTAGONISM -- and has become UNSTABLE.
This is just the beginning of my sorrows with Loma's attitude. Her casket lid is sealed tight against my romantic advances. If I manage to crawl inside, she still refuses to remove her top during relations! She is STONE COLD to her husband at all times!!!! She HAS EVEN HIDDEN MY VIAGRA!! In all these unhappy, irate encounters the past weeks, NOT ONCE has any vestige of the Spirit of God been evident -- only ANGRY, wrathful contentions FOR HER OWN PERSONAL DESIRES.
Yesterday I sent to her the official letter, heartbreaking as it was to me, DISFELLOWSHIPPING her from the GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD! That means, brethren, that on pain of being yourselves disfellowshipped and PUT OUT of God's Church, you are all restrained from graveside visitation with, or conversation with, Loma Armstrong -- no longer a member of this TRUE WEBSITE CHURCH!
Unfortunately, our legal department has informed me that I MUST ALLOW Loma five megabites of space at the site and a link to her new SATAN-INSPIRED SPLINTER GROUP. We will give Caesar his due and reluctantly comply with a link to her new organization, the RESURRECTED GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD.
I would have given up my own daughter not to do this. But I have been TOO LONG tolerant, forgiving and covering up with LOVE toward an ungrateful, hostile, threatening wife. I have let weeds grow in the GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD in order to protect my wife's name and knowledge of her wrongdoings.
LET'S NOW GO FORWARD WITH RENEWED ZEAL!!!!!
Brethren, THANK YOU for your loyalty!
With deepest love,
Herbert W. Armstrong
P.S. BE WARNED THAT VISITING HER SITE IS CAUSE FOR DISFELLOWSHIPPING!!!!