by John B
Now that the Millennium has arrived and Jesus Christ has returned to earth in Power and Glory to Establish his Kingdom -- now that the Worldwide Church of God has been placed in control of the World and its Government - Hollywood has been co-opted to produce Movies of Quality and Wholesome Entertainment!
Please support God's Work by attending the following movies. Enjoy these fine films that reflect the Recapture of True Values. The Top Twelve movies are listed below. (These films are not ranked by box-office performance or Academy Award nominations, but by a closed session of the Council of Elders at Ambassador College.)
1. Silence of the Sheep
Gripping drama of one local church area where DISSIDENT MEMBERS are CORRECTED and FORCED INTO SUBMISSION by the HEROIC LOCAL PASTOR.
Starring Jodie Foster and Paul Royer. (Ambassador Films) Rated SU.
2. Waterhouse World
Exciting futuristic tale set after the arrival of God the Father. All the saints have been sent out to colonize and rule other planets. The earth becomes the private kingdom of Gerald Waterhouse. But Gerald's mismanagement destroys the earth's ecology, resulting in the meltdown of the polar ice caps and leaving the world totally covered by water.
Starring Gerald Waterhouse and Kevin Count-the-Costner. (Psychopathic Pictures) Rated GP.
3. Blackwell Down
Taut psychological thriller set in the 1960s. The pastor of a local church becomes depressed over the sexual conquest of his assistant pastor's wife -- even though the assistant pastor gave it his blessing. Gutter sex, potty language.
Starring Dean Blackwell and Joseph Tkach, Sr. (Steamworks) Rated RPG.
Action yarn depicting gladiatorial games at the Los Angeles Colisseum. A former minister-turned-gladiator challenges the authority of GOD'S CHURCH by scheming to destroy THE WORK. Only the PASTOR GENERAL can save the day, by entering the arena himself to battle his evil foe.
Starring Russell Crowe and Joseph Tkach, Jr. (Ridillin Scott Productions) Rated LBF.
5. Raders of the Lost Ark
A suspenseful cliff-hanger about Ambassador College students participating in an archeological dig in Des Moines, Iowa (Herbert Armstrong's hometown), where they unearth fragments of the Ark of the Covenant (further proof that God called Mr. Armstrong as his end-time apostle). Don't miss the breath-taking climax of this motion picture, when after days of brushing away dirt by hand, the discovery is made! (4 hours + Intercessory Prayer)
Screenplay by Stanley Rader, Ambassador College students as themselves . (Young Ambassador Productions) Rated BG.
6. Rain Mac
Heart-warming tale about an idiot-savant (autistic) youth who becomes one of God's leading Evangelists.
Starring Tom Cruise and Raymond McNair. (21st Century Fox) Rated YHWH.
7. Apocalypse Eventually
End-of-the-world thriller about the last seven days in January 1972, as the Worldwide Church of God breathlessly awaits the beginning of the Great Tribulation. Actual footage of Ambassador College students going to class adds realism to the events depicted.
Starring Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, and Herman Hoeh (as "the Doctor"). (Francis Ford Galaxy Productions) Rated BS.
8. The Good Son
Racy campus comedy about the son of a Pastor General who rises to fame and fortune as a religious radio announcer and family man while banging campus coeds and ministers' wives for sport. Based on actual events.
Starring Garner Ted Armstrong and the female freshman class of 1966. (Playboy Pictures) Rated VD.
9. Home Alone
Depression-era classic about a young girl named Dorothy who becomes the victim of incestuous rape by her preacher-wannabe father. (Originally released under the title Scream.)
Starring Herbert Armstrong and Linda Blair. (Disgusting Pictures) Rated UMF.
Intense movie about one courageous evangelist who battles the satanic influences of QUEERS in the Philadelphia era of God's One True Church.
Starring Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, and Roderick W. Meredith. (Gay Arts) Rated KQ.
11. A Night's Tail
Uproarious sequel to The Good Son . The Good Son's father, a famous religious leader, travels the world in a private G III jet trying to find an aphrodisiac that will let him keep an erection long enough for a single sexual encounter.
Starring Herbert Armstrong, Stanley Rader, Hilary Clinton, and many cameos of world leaders. (Disney Productions) Rated BV.
12. Dr. Laura Must Die!
High-speed martial arts film pitting God's Evangelist against black-belt Dr. Laura as they battle for control of the world's largest cult following. Amazing special effects.
Starring Dr. Laura Schlesinger and Michael Feazel. (Kung Poo Pow Pix) Rated O.
SU - Shut Up!
GP - Get the Point?
LBF - Little Bearded Fuck
RPG - Road to Pastor General
BG - Boring!
YHWH - YeaH, What the Hell
BS - Barbra Streisand
VD - (Not) Very Domesticated
UMF - [censored]
KQ - Kill the QUEERS
BV - Before Viagra
O - Ouch!
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