Bride of Packenstein

The news is out... David C. Pack, Grand High Poobah of the Restored Church of God, has remarried, less than a year after the death of his first wife, Shirley.

"J" from the Shadows blog observes: All I can say is, that was extremely quick, wasn't it?
Already observers are wondering whether the lucky lady will recapitulate the Ramona Martin epic. If you're old enough you may even remember the PT article octogenarian Herb wrote - salivation in print - celebrating the successful consummation of his marriage vows on the morning after. Ramona's views were unpublished.

The Worldwide News ran a photograph of the happy couple with officiating minister Garner Ted Armstrong - who relented at the last moment despite being opposed to the union. It was probably one of the last father and son shots before Stan pulled the rug out from under Ted.

Ramona of the painted toenails (makeup doctrine? what makeup doctrine?) proceeded, of course, to take Herb to the cleaners. Truly a mother in Israel!

Dave himself confirms the nuptials in an aside in his latest sermon (along with claiming no know more about prophecy than anyone else in history, and suggesting Weinland is demon-influenced!)

Meantime I know all AW readers will join me in sincerely wishing Big Dave all the wedded bliss that his hero Herb enjoyed with Mrs. Martin.

Update: The identity of the new First Lady is revealed in the comments section, and some interesting questions are asked.

Another Tribulation Farce nut-case

Weinland and Hawkins: both spiritual sons of Herb... these guys deserve each other. Can't you just imagine them giving split-sermons in Petra? Baptist blogger Dr. Jim West has a few words to say on the latter today.

Hawkins says June 12? That's Thursday. Ronaldo says (probably) Pentecost? That's Sunday. Could be a tough week...

The Surprising Ted Johnston

Having just listed The Surprising God blog among the top five I'd prefer to avoid, I was sent back there today to check out the following remarkable statement by Ted Johnston.

...the idea of universal reconciliation, which is a key aspect of WCG's Christ-centered, Trinitarian Theology.

OK, I'm surprised.

It's not that the chief honchos in the Tkach group - Mike Feazell take a bow - haven't dropped enough hints, but when did universal reconciliation become more than a favored speculation?

And while we're at it, what is WCG's position now on the form of Universal Reconciliation preached by the late Ernest Martin back in the 1970s? You can check out Ernie's views on this subject here.

Universal Reconciliation is a teaching that goes a very long way back in Christian history, at least as far as Origen. Eventually (and I'm paraphrasing here) all sentient life - human and angelic - will be received back into God's loving embrace - maybe even Satan and his minions. Wikipedia has a useful discussion of the issue.

It's enough to send traditional, humorless, bile-driven Calvinists into a frenzy, though a few obscurantist fringe thinkers of that ilk (like Barth) seemed to have taken it seriously.

The Armstrong-era WCG also toyed with the idea.

Don't get me wrong... I quite like the idea of universal reconciliation. If you're going to proclaim a gospel of grace, and don't want to transform God into a double-predestination monster, then it makes a good deal of sense. Any aggravation it causes fundamentalists is an added bonus!

But, when did it gravitate to the heart of WCG dogma: "a key aspect of WCG's Christ-centered, Trinitarian Theology"?

Or has Ted got it all wrong?

What might Joe Tkach's buddies in the NAE make of this? After all, as the Wiki article states: Evangelicals and related Christian denominations have published extensively against universalism in recent decades, defending the doctrine of perpetual Hell.

Clarification please!

Meeker's Apology

This is the apology Joel Meeker posted on the UCG Elders' Forum. Wouldn't it be interesting to know if he sent a private apology to Aaron Dean?

From Joel Meeker, Milford OH

I must apologize for my EF post of Wednesday last week. In my message I put the reputation of the organization before the honor of God, when I know that God owns the world and "those who dwell therein" as David said in Psalm 24. I allowed my feelings and communication to be harsh, when in reality I do have confidence that He will “complete a good work” in us as Paul said to the Philippians. His honor is always more important than our organizational concerns of the moment, and I trust He will accomplish what we cannot seem to do ourselves.

I want to apologize to the elders who submitted their ballots in all honesty, knowing that I don't have insight into the prayer, fasting, and sincerity with which you fulfilled your privilege at the GCE.

I want to apologize for posting a negative judgment of "another man's servant." I am reminded in the cool of the day that God tells us not to do so. He reserves the right to judge His servants according to His perfect justice and in His time.

As apologies go I suppose it does the job, but it's hardly fulsome is it? In fact, it almost seems to be what in this neck of the woods (Australia/New Zealand) might even be termed a "Clayton's" apology. It's certainly extremely "preachy."

Special thanks to the sender.

For the Record

I've learned that Joel Meeker has issued an apology to the Elders' Forum for his ill-tempered posting attacking Aaron Dean and the General Council of Elders. The person sending the information notes that reporting this would be "a fair follow-up."

Agreed. Anyone got a copy that they can forward on?

Five Blogs I've Never Read and Never Will

It's one of those 'tag' games that race through the blogging community like influenza. It started with the rather precious challenge to list five blogs that make you think. Dr. Jim West, the biblioblogging Baptist bulldog, pulled it inside-out and relaunched it as five blogs to never read, and having tagged the Most Reverend Dr. N. T. Wrong, the good bishop then saw fit to pass his blessing on.

The task is a difficult one given the wording. Obviously I have seen (if not read in any depth) each of the monstrosities listed below, otherwise how else to know the deep things of Shaitan? In any case, it's a 60/40 split between non-COG and COG contenders --- interestingly Bishop Wrong chose to list one of David Ben-Ariel's on his list of horrors, a deserving choice. Anyway, here's mine.

1. The Watchmen: Christian and Patriotic Views from Ulster. I somehow don't think this fellow means patriotism in the Beatles sense of "Give Ireland back to the Irish," and I doubt he's a Guinness drinker either. And who the heck is this Spurgeon guy?

2. The Blog of Concord. Bad art and obscure monologues currently featuring the Smalcald Articles, ick!

3. A Painting that Preaches Christ. The spurting blood, the devilish misuse of Bach, the sheer unrelieved kitsch of it all... liebe Gott!

4. Against the Hirelings. Tom Mahon's blog... (no sign of a promised portrait.)

5. The Surprising God. Largely the work of the not-so-surprising Ted Johnston.

So, now to pass on the meme: Gary Scott and Felix Taylor, both of whom have fine, thoughtful blogs, consider yourselves tagged ;-)

Ronnie's End Game

One of the more bizarre aspects of Weinland's End Game is the calling down from heaven of the wrath of his god on those who oppose him: the skeptics, scoffers and naysayers (i.e. anyone with a modicum of common sense.) Here's what Ronnie said just last Sabbath.

"If what I say weren't to come pass and I was a false prophet -- What a blessing that would be.... some of you yo-yos who like to attack and distort and twist things... And by the way I want to mention that your progression of I said would start on you is already progressing more and some of you already know it. I know of one individual specifically here not too long ago -- a little worried about their health. There are several of you out there that should be worried about your health. You think it's just coincidence??? Amazing." (Quoted on Don't Drink the Flavor Aid)

What he said at the start was that he'd call down cancer on those who mocked. Amazing indeed!

This man is a Christian? This is a man who brims over with the fruit of the spirit? This man is God's chosen servant, a minister of Jesus Christ, the leader of the Two Witnesses?

Yeah, right!

It was Bill Ferguson, the Ekklesia webmaster, who beat me to the logical inference from all this. Ronnie is a witch doctor. Bill has updated the beanie portrait to illustrate this fine, godly characteristic... very apt.

You've got to wonder though: is the guy fully compos mentis? Can his sheer nastiness be explained as a congenital character defect, or has the strain simply taken its toll on his mental health? I can only see two options: either he's a delusional sociopath in need of institutionalizing, or a calculating, tithe-farming Elmer Gantry. Initially I tended to the latter view, but now I'm not so sure...

And what does it say about those who still follow him? How could you sit through this sort of thing - as part of your Sabbath worship - and still pretend to be a begotten child of God?

Meantime "J", the author of the Shadows blog, says it best: Ronald, keep your word.

That is, if he's capable of it, and the men in white coats aren't needed first. Now there's a health issue to be concerned about.

A(nother) Witless Countdown

There's a little over a week to go before Pentecost arrives (June 8) on the COG calendar. The "Great Harlot" and her daughter churches celebrated their version of Pentecost some time ago, but that's not what Ronnie Weinland is talking about when he prattles on about the impending End. To repeat what he's said:

"If by Pentecost I'm just going to make this real clear to everyone. If by Pentecost it is not powerfully and abundantly clear that there has been a great deal of destruction that will clearly encompass a third of all plant life in the US and at least the clear results of this mingled with blood the death of very much animal life and the beginning of large numbers of human life then I will stop preaching.

"Just so all the critics and everyone out there will understand. I am true to my word in these things. OK? And for all the critics if by the end of July and for most likely around Pentecost if nothing has clearly caused great destruction and death I will make it very clear that I was a false prophet. I will do exactly what I said I would do on all of those interviews that I have held; to do less, aah well, would be quite insane."

(You can actually listen to this clip here - link courtesy of Weinland Watch)
Insane? Well Ron, you said it! It seems the First Witness has been flailing about, attempting to move the goalposts back further ("end of July"), but Pentecost is the deadline that marks the edge of the cliff. As I understand the Weinland spiel it's a two-stage backdown: if the H-bombs haven't started dropping by the 8th he'll take himself off the speaking schedule; then at the end of July fess up to the sheep that he was an idiot and repent (anyone wanna run a sweepstakes on it?) In advance of Ron's lemming leap it seems some of the flock have been wising up and drifting off to greener pastures. Better late than never.

So, will Ronnie be true to his word? Will he do exactly what he's said he'll do and quit raking over the manure pile? To date he's done little more than bleat like a dysfunctional ten-year old about people "mocking" him, the blind critics who just can't see how things really are.

Diddums.

For Ron the game is already up even if he is "keeping up appearances", but he'll finally checkmate whatever remains of his own credibility on June 8. Ron nonetheless assures the faithful but dwindling remnant in last Sabbath's sermon that, come what may, COG-PKG - his designer cult - will survive.

That remains to be seen.

And You Thought COG Ministers Were Nuts!

I shamelessly stole this clip from the N. T. Wrong blog (the name is a backhander to the inflated reputation of the excruciatingly irritating Bishop of Durham, N. T. Wright.) The speaker is Steven Anderson, pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Phoenix (after viewing the video you might be tempted to suggest Steven renames his ministry Faithful Turd.)

Steven's qualifications? "Pastor Anderson holds no college degree but has well over 100 chapters of the Bible committed to memory, including almost half of the New Testament."

Ach du liebe!

Himmel! British Sabbatarian Robert Taylor hast Herbert W. Armschtrung videos geupenloaded to YouTube. More than sixty Herbalische clips so far. Liebe Gott! So if you want a taste of 1980s Herbolatry, this is definitely the place to steer your zeppelin too. Candidly brethren, it brought tears to my eyes...

Robert writes: I am collecting and putting historical videos of the WCG, HWA, World Tomorrow and other stuff that I can find on YouTube... I am always looking for old stuff on video and dvds.

Though he be dead, yet it seems the Herbster yet liveth in the hearts of his devotees.

What will Robert's polar opposite, Rev. K. Scribe, have to say about this?