Stranger and stranger

It's a strange old world. On the same day the Vatican astronomer pontificated on life on Mars, the latest Journal was released.

I have to admit that I didn't know there was a Vatican astronomer. I mean, what on earth (!) would his job description be? "Holy Father, I wish to confirm that after rigorous research and observation from the Dome of St. Peter's, it is now possible to possibly affirm, with the appropriate qualifications and disclaimers of course, that Galileo was right."?

Is there also a Vatican agronomist who can advise the faithful on the merits of organic pumpkin soup?

But on to The Journal, and my nomination for the worst COG website design of the decade. Yes, there have been some really strong contenders for this coveted award, but - tipped off by the front page story - Living God Ministries has got to be the unanimous choice of the academy. Try clicking around on this sucker in anything other than the demon-spawn Internet Explorer browser! Even in IE it's, well, in a class of its own.

Dennis Diehl is back with another column, and that's worth the price of a copy in itself. On the other hand Alan Knight (of La Mancha?) is serializing his latest improbable book beginning with this issue. This guy is capable of making Bob Thiel look good!

All those years in WCG have messed with my head, so I hope Dixon will forgive me if I note that the regular Connections column by Darlene Warren is a reprint of one that appeared back in 2004, and knowing that Darlene is connected to the current palpitations in Big Sandy, the obvious question arises...

The Big Sandy Church may be bloodied, but apparently it's still unbowed, with a major ad promoting five FOT sites.

You can, as usual, download the front and back pages of The Journal without charge.

Bungles, Blunderbusses and Butchery

Nobody butchers Christian history, in my view, quite like Bob Thiel. Marcion, Gnosticism, Calvin, Luther, Melito of Sardis... you name it, you can bet Bob has an opinion. In his latest assault, Bob parrots Bacchiocchi about the supposed similarities between Gnosticism and Calvinism (!) before smugly delivering his personal imprimatur: "And on the above he is correct."

Yeah, yeah. Then Bob picks up a wide pasting brush: "It was Gnostic heretics like the second century Marcion that essentially set the stage of Calvinism, Lutheranism, and certain other forms of Protestantism."

Uhhh...

Then there's, of all things, an altar call: "If you are Protestant, this may be a good time to wake up and realize that the God of love really does have a plan to offer salvation to everyone who ever lived. And that it was from heretics that “once saved always saved” originated."

But does Bob know what he's talking about? That is a question I'll leave to the discerning reader. Bob considers Marcion a Gnostic for example, which is highly debatable. Even a cursory check of Wikipedia would have prevented Bob from making that bungle: "Marcion is sometimes referred to as one of the gnostics, but from what assessment of his lost writings can be gleaned from his mainstream opponents, his teachings were quite different in nature." His contemporary in Rome, Valentinus, now he was a Gnostic!

Then there's that label - heretic. Careful there Bob, you might shoot yourself in the foot with that particular blunderbuss.

However, unless someone does a little background reading of their own, how would they know which orifice self-anointed experts are speaking out of? One solution, if you're interested in a readable but credible one-volume history of Christianity at a decent price, is Paul Johnson's History of Christianity. First published in 1976, this is a brilliant survey that will clue you in on any number of significant developments over the last two millennia.

If Bob wants to slap around the big names in Christian history I'm all for it... providing he at least gets it right! But fair's fair: on the principle of beams and splinters, why not tackle the super-jerks in our own tradition first? Herbert Armstrong for example. And when you're done there Bob, why not deliver a word or two of caution about Roderick C. "three-to-five years" Meredith?

And speaking of three-to-five-years, here's Bob himself in another posting just a day or two ago: "As regular readers of the COGwriter news page are aware, I do not believe that the Great Tribulation can begin until at least 2012–and that it will most likely start in 2013-2017."

Most likely not.

Creation Smackdown

Recent issues of UCG and Hulme flagship mags, GN (May-June) and Vision (Fall 07), feature very different "takes" on that old fundamentalist chestnut, creationism.

UCG's resident "expert" on the subject, Mario Seiglie, is armed with a wet tea-towel and on the attack.

Darwin's deceitful theory... The movie [Expelled] gives a balanced overview... an avowed secular humanist and atheist... it's important to understand that the intelligent design theory was not developed by religionists... They continue deceiving the masses...

In the place of science, the old time gap theory is yet again dusted off. The result is something to bring pleasure to any home-schooled ten year old looking for a project to please Mom.

Contrast the approach at Vision, as always trying hard to impress the plebs with its depth and profundity. Here you'll find a complex discussion about the Big Bang and alternate cosmologies, including an interview that (and it pains me to say so) is actually quite interesting - if you're into that kind of thing.

In summary - the GN dishes up something worthy of The Watchtower, and Vision delivers something that wouldn't be out of place in New Scientist. A clear win to the High and Hulmerous One.

But, realistically, the typical COG reader will find the GN junk food more to their taste than Vision's art cuisine. Dumbed down is what brings in the financial sheaves: forget the science and spoon out the pabulum. After all, as far as anyone can tell the Hulmites are as gap-toothed on creationism as their former co-religionists in the not-so United Church of God: they're just a whole lot more subtle about it. And subtlety is usually lost on people who are convinced that Anglos are Israelites.

Journal covers Dean discipline

The following item is being carried at The Journal website (www.thejournal.org).

UCG council rebuffs elder Aaron Dean
A firestorm has raged lately on Internet forums fueled by the recent decision by the council of elders of the United Church of God, based in the Cincinnati, Ohio, area, to "censure" one of its members.

The governing 12-man body sent a letter to members of the church's general conference of elders (GCE) in March 2008 informing elders worldwide that Aaron Dean of Gladewater, Texas, a council member since January 1999, had been officially censured. The council's action means Mr. Dean is prohibited from speaking in any UCG congregation until after the 2008 Feast of Tabernacles.

Although the membership of the church was not generally aware of the council's letter to the elders, word of the censure surfaced. Mr. Dean, who served as a personal aide to Worldwide Church of God founder Herbert W. Armstrong from 1974 until Mr. Armstrong's death, in 1986, delivered a sermon and answered questions at a meeting of a Church of God group in Huntsville, Texas, during the 2007 Feast of Tabernacles. Mr. Dean's speaking engagement in Huntsville violated a UCG policy about addressing other groups and brought about the censure.

Photo: Don Bjoraker

AW comment: UCG set out to do things differently from WCG. Headquarters became Home Office, but the mindset endured. Aaron Dean, whatever strengths and fallibilities he might have (as we all have our share) has a reputation as a decent man, and one of the council members most in-touch with the grass-roots of the church. Kilough has effectively demonstrated - once again - that UCG is a long way from living up to the hopes so many held for it.

Earlier coverage of this story here.

Lisbon 1755

Every time something tragic occurs the ghouls gather to howl at the moon, calling us to heed, for it is yet another token of the End of the Age.

Thus has it ever been. A recent book, The Last Day: Wrath, Ruin, and Reason in the Great Lisbon Earthquake of 1755, recounts the awe and horror that impacted on the cultural world of the West following the Great Lisbon Earthquake of 1755. It was widely believed to herald the End, and was immediately factored in to the prophetic fantasies of the time. A example can be found here. Seventh-day Adventist guru Ellen White was one who, by the peculiar "gift of prophecy," discerned special importance in the disaster for the great scheme of the Last Days.

The Lisbon Earthquake is a lesson in caution and humility. A great city was devastated, but the sun rose the next day. Christ did not return "on schedule" with the hosts of heaven. Its relevance to the book of Revelation? Absolutely zero.

The wonder is that we - citizens of the twenty-first century - can still be suckers for the same sick misuse of tragedy. The self-anointed prophets now, as then, do little or nothing to provide relief for the suffering. Instead they play a game of "told you so," and solicit funds for their own ministries. Among the more crass examples is Roderick Meredith's LCG, but there is much worse on offer including, I'm ashamed to say, a newly launched COG publication produced (badly!) in New Zealand.

Lisbon has a lesson for all of us: human suffering is meant to be relieved, not exploited.

Tribulation Update

Ron, Ron, Ron...

Why not just come out and say it?

I was wrong... I am not a prophet... I am not a Witness... I am sorry... I was a dipstick...

As is clear from the latest post on Weinland Watch, that isn't happening. Instead, Ron is dancing his way toward Pentecost with qualifications, bombast and bulldust.

Pathetic, and a bit sad.

If he thinks he's being clever and Machiavellian, he's seriously delusional. It's clear that, having whacked himself over the head with his own piece of four by two, the sheep are beginning to move on to other pastures.

On to the next Elmer Gantry End Times sideshow? Let's hope not.

After the Empire

A new blog: I survived Armstrongism. Worth checking out!

Two ex-WCG writers in latest BA

The latest issue of the Bible Advocate features two former WCG ministers. The late Richard Wiedenheft left in the "rebellion" of 1974. He pastored an independent Sabbatarian church for many years and published a newsletter called Focus On Truth. He later gravitated to the Church of God (Seventh Day). His article When Defeat Spells Victory appears in this issue.

Also appearing in the April/May BA is an interview with former Plain Truth editor Brian Knowles on the topic of repentance. The BA asked Brian (among other things) "Can there be corporate repentance for a church?" Here's his reply.

Throughout church history, denominations and their leaders have changed their official teachings, doctrines, and dogmas to comply with a better, more mature understanding of Scripture. This represents a form of corporate repentance. To be alive, the church must be a growing, dynamic entity — not just in numbers but in spiritual maturity. Collectively we are animated by the Holy Spirit, which leads us progressively into truth (John 14:26). Growth in knowledge and understanding is mandated in Scripture (2 Peter 3:18). This requires ongoing repentance of inferior understanding and the adoption of better understanding. Such repentance is a function of leadership. Instead of endlessly rehashing the basics, we should be going deeper into more mature understanding (Hebrews 5:11—6:3).

Also notable is a column by COG7 president Whaid Rose with a title to send a chill of horror down the spine of many hardline Armstrong devotees: Embrace the cross.

The BA is currently marking its 150th year in print, making it one of America's oldest religious periodicals.

Pluck puck puck

We've all been pretty focussed over the last month or so on Ron Weinland. Understandably so. When the old red rooster plucks itself and then jumps in the stew-pot unaided, swimming around with the carrots while clucking, there's got to be an appreciative audience to applaud.

One of the great things to come out of the Weinland kerfuffle is new voices on the Web. Kudos go to Weinland Watch, Don't Drink the Flavor Aid, Bereans (all Weinland specific), Shadows of WCG (which has been around a while longer, but has really stepped up to the plate on this issue) and Ironwolf (if I remember correctly, Robert McNally's website predates the original AW site.) Like everyone else, I go to these sources first to catch up on the latest hilarious episode as Ron blusters and backtracks. My favorite bete noire, Bob Thiel, has done a pretty good job too - just don't tell him I said so. You can find links to all these sites in the sidebar.

So what next? Will Ron still be crowing after Pentecost? After Tabernacles? Will COG-PKG survive the end of The End? Check out the new poll.

The Wiener Effect

It's been a rare month for AW, with visits already hitting a 12 month high days before the end of April. This month had the highest single day's traffic on - wait for it - the seventeenth!

I'd like to thank Ronald Weinland for his assistance. Without his warbling loon-call it'd have been a much more modest affair. In fact, as you can see from the graph*, "the Wiener effect" has been driving traffic up for several months.

But bad news Ronald, the Google searches for your name are dropping away. To put it kindly, you're rapidly becoming last week's fish chowder. Big buildup, huge expectations, and all we get is a little tap-dancing on the hot coals of bitter reality.

Yes Ron, I know my metaphors are mixed, but not nearly as mixed as the feelings of the good people who got caught up - wallets and hearts - in your lurid, ego-driven fantasies.

So is Ronniekins now doing the right thing? Even a little "ooops!" maybe?

Over on the Shadows blog there's a transcript taken from Witness W's latest oratorically-challenged preachment. Here's an excerpt:

"I'll discuss these things later on, again, we realize maybe some will have that opportunity, but I do want to be clear here that because of this last Sabbath, God has made it abundantly clear, and it's also posted on the site, I wanna clear some of this up.

"I've talked about the 45 days and the 90 days, that was done on the James Whale show, primarily to give an idea here on the general timing of events for his sake and the listening audience. We see how quickly he got onto that one, I'm joking, he didn't, he never could get it, toward the very end I think he finally got it, you know, when I was saying 45 to 90 days. I want to make it real clear. Nothing will happen specifically about the second trumpet obviously until after Pentecost...

"So we are going to have the opportunity to get together again on Pentecost, and we are planning that, so again, I can't plan certain things until I know. What happened last Sabbath, I didn't know what the 17th was going to bring fully, by any measure, but uh, it is very clear that we will not have anything happen on a massive scale to prevent us from coming together on Pentecost. So all the Elders in all the areas that set up locations, we're going to same locations again as a whole, so I'd like to ask all the elders to please make plans accordingly, and to rent the facilities as necessary because that is a Sabbath, and High Day the following day on Sunday, so that gives us another opportunity to do like we did last weekend. So we are going to have that opportunity again... We are going to have the opportunity to come together again on Pentecost. So, okayyyy."

So okayyyy? Everybody back to orange alert, we'll do it all again at Pentecost!

There's an old adage: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

* Graph updated since original upload