Everybody forgets Fred

Pack, Flurry, Meredith, Thiel, even Weinland. The narcissistic sect leaders we all so love to comment on and critique. If this was a soap opera, these would be the stars. Stringing along would be the leaders on a leash; Kubik and Frank (it's a shorter list) under the "also starring" label. Everyone else is relegated to an occasional "guest appearance". I suspect David Hulme is looking at a complete contract cancellation.

But trotting alongside patiently, often barely noticed, is Fred Coulter. Fred parted ways from the mother-ship shortly after Ted jumped into the shark-infested waters in 1978. Prior to that he was a California-based pastor, produced his own self-published Harmony of the Gospels and occasionally hosted a call-in radio show. Fair to say that, even then, he was a bit outside the usual ministerial stereotype. Perhaps he jumped before he was pushed. Fred established the Biblical Church of God (BCG) and produced a magazine called Bible Answers.

Alas, Fred had a Spanky moment (or more accurately, in later years Spanky was to have a Fred moment). Problems arose. The peasants were revolting. People were getting ideas above their station. Fred relaunched with the Christian Biblical Church of God (CBCG)... leaving the stroppy underlings out of the picture.

While Fred doesn't have a lot of profile, it isn't through lack of effort. In some parts of the world (New Zealand is one of them) the faithful followers of Fred are batting in the big league (the big league here being any COG sect with a mailing address and a minister).

It seems to me that Fred isn't to be counted among the more abusive COG leaders, which may be why he flies under the radar as much as he does. Listening to his sermons is an acquired taste - he makes Rod Meredith sound simply riveting by comparison. Don't believe me? Try his 1 hour 20 minute ramble on Brexit.

CBCG has recently held an Elders' Conference. Counting spouses, kids and curious members, over 150 are said to have turned up at the Hilton Cincinnati Airport Hotel. Actual elders? 17, including Lyall Johnston from New Zealand. Other registered attendees? 7.

(Lyall is an interesting chap. I knew his parents and brother's family in Invercargill many years ago. Genuinely nice people. Lyall returned here several years ago in the wake of WCG's dissolution and - please correct me if I'm wrong - attempted to get credentialed as a mainline minister. He apparently took on the job with Fred after the Stephen Gough fiasco and an initial transfer of leadership to son Chris Gough.)

Being a sprat in the fishpond doesn't stop Fred from thinking big. Some years ago he translated the New Testament into a kind of updated King James Version (A Faithful Version). No mean feat. How many COG translations other than Fred's can you think of? The Old Testament followed, but as I understand it he just bought an existing translation then edited it to fit his agenda, tweaked the proof texts (Hebrew isn't on his CV), then bunged it on the front of his New Testament. Full page ads in the BAR followed lauding the excellencies of this Bible, though he had to scrape pretty deep to find any favourable reviews to quote.

Speaking of the Bible, hallelujah, there's an app. The Fred Bible on your Android or Apple device. I needed to have a lie down and slowly sip a cup of weak tea just to bring my excitement under control. Sadly, I have too many thirsty apps on my phone as it is, so I guess I'll give this one a miss.

G(C)I Joe on Brexit

Joe Tkach has ventured forth to offer enlightened commentary on Brexit in his Weekly Update.

"You have likely heard a lot over the last couple of weeks about “Brexit.”"

Yes, likely.

"GCI-USA Regional Pastor Rick Shallenberger was in the UK the week of the vote and sent me this report".

 On holiday was he? I guess Rick is one of the few left on the payroll.

"What bothers me the most, Joe, is to hear Christians speculate that this decision fulfills prophecy, some indicating that it aligns with British-Israelism. I even heard some say this decision makes way for the rise of the Holy Roman Empire. It saddens me when people read more into an event than is there. The British people need our prayers as they transition into a new reality for the country. Whether or not this was a good decision, it happened and so we pray for the people involved. We also continue to pray that God provides the means for the gospel to be shared in Great Britain."

The trite comments about providing "the means for the gospel to be shared in Great Britain" deserve a separate response, something about "American Evangelical Imperialism", but maybe another time. More to the point, given that Rick will have been chatting to local GCI members, not rabid LCG/PCG types, it seems all that quoting of Torrance and "Trinitarian theology" has had little effect on the doughty survivors from WCG days. Guess that's a "fail".

Back to Joe Jr.

"Years ago, Hebert Armstrong (our denomination’s founder) did say that Britain would eventually leave the European Union. But he did not get that idea from Scripture—he got it from others who taught what is known as Anglo- or British-Israelism... It’s all too easy to grab hold of a few prophetic statements someone makes, thinking they are right and thus should be followed. But we must look at the larger picture. Herbert Armstrong (along with others) made multiple prophetic statements eventually proven wrong. Mr. Armstrong twice wrongly predicted detailed time-frames for end-time events, including Jesus’ return. Major erroneous predictions like those far outweigh the few, relatively minor predictions that actually came to pass."

Did you catch the typo... Hebert Armstrong? Not a professional look Joe. Must have fired all the employees willing to proof read his stuff.

Overall what Joe says is fair comment, and the sort of thing you might read here. I suppose we have to acknowledge that Joe at least addressed the elephant in the room as Brexit has dominated news... Herb's prophecies on Europe, albeit in a hand-wringing, passionless sort of way.

Then it's back to the gelatinous platitudes.

Real or Knockoff? The Pack magazine.

David Crowl Pack's The Real Truth mag reminds me - more than any of the others on offer - of The Plain Truth which arrived in the family letterbox when I was a teenager. There's a certain nostalgia in the layout, the fonts, even the graphics that take me back to 1970 or thereabouts.

Which is no surprise really. Pack apes "the Work" as it once was. He's not smart enough to realize that time moves on, and the gold standard for the PT in the seventies rapidly evolved by the time Herb Armstrong passed on to his eternal reward. If you're in your thirties, forties or even fifties, the trick won't work nearly as well, but if you're just a tad older you might well do a double take. It's as if time has stood still - only the bylines have changed.

For a start there are those long 'personals' from the editor. In Two Keys to Success! we learn about Dave's Uncle Frank who embodied the first key; out-thinking those who get in your way. The second key is perseverance. Wow, never would have thought of that by myself.

The cover story is The Real Story of American Freedom in which Ryan L. Caswell asks "Why is America Different?" Guess what? It's all to do with British Israelism.

Edward L. Winkfield writes about "The Hidden Economy of Drug Trafficking", while someone without a name opines on "What does God Think of Political Debates?" It must be nice to have the inside track on what God thinks about things that never existed in Bible times. David J. Litavsky is the designated expert on the Yemini civil war, and Packatollah Dave returns with "What is the Unpardonable Sin?"

Full page ads promote a reprint article (remember those?) titled Are You Being Called? (unlikely if you're reading The Real Truth), a booklet called You Can Build a Happy Marriage (run, run like the wind, and don't look back! Dave is the guy who said in a sermon "you don't have a voice woman") and on the back page Dave's slavish rewrite of America and Britain in Prophecy.

It's like stepping into a time machine and arriving forty plus years in the past. Unlike Discern and the unlamented Vision, you can apparently get The Real Truth in print form, though with Dave juggling those nasty bills who knows how much longer that will continue. Alternately you can download the issue from here.

Advocating a Different Spirit

I'm conflicted about the Bible Advocate. Years ago - we're talking the early 1980s - I was a hard copy subscriber. If nothing else it proved to me in my traumatized post-WCG state that a kinder, more generous form of COGism did indeed exist out there, albeit relatively small and distant. I still check out the magazine, though these days only online. It's not exactly riveting reading, especially for folk raised on the decadent triple-chocolate prophetic confections promoted by the mad-as-a-meat-axe Armstrong wing of the movement. The BA - published by the Church of God (Seventh Day) - is more like home made vanilla bread pudding. No artery-clogging additives, and "way healthier".

So why conflicted? Well, it's still a fundamentalist magazine, and for some of us that's now a very far country indeed. But it's not so "in your face", and gentler in tone than it's off-the-wall rivals. It's detractors in the shards of Herbal Empire might label it "Protestant", though I would question that ... who the heck knows what "Protestant" even means these days. Evangelical? Well, kind of, in an irregular sense.

The first thing that struck me about the July/August issue was the number of women contributors - Scott Ashley would have a hernia. The staff box lists a number of women too, including Associate Editor Sherri Langton. Fancy that.

The second thing that strikes an ex-WCG/LCG/UCG/PCG/whateverCG member is the absence of prophetic bullroaring. These folk actually know better. Compared to Beyond Today or Tomorrow's World the BA is positive, up-building and encouraging. If you're addicted to circus acts, you'll need to find an Armstrong periodical.

One item caught my eye in particular; a letter on the Questions & Answers page which asked: "Is the Holy Spirit a force or a person? What does CoG7 teach about the Spirit of God?" Interesting response.

Available to download.

The Fasting Strategy

Gary has a great post up about the LCG's recently announced "church-wide fast" for July 30. In LCG, when the going gets tough the Presiding Evangelist announces a fast and the chorus of yes-men shout amens and hosannas.

It's a long-standing strategy in LCG, the most fast-obsessed COG sect I know of. There was, for example, the March 2007 fast. Here's a comment from the AW archives:

Saturday March 28 is also, apparently, a designated fast for members of the Living Church of God. Exactly why isn't immediately apparent. Guru Rod Meredith calls these things with little reason, other than perhaps whether he's feeling a bit depressed. Rod is on the wane, mind and body are letting him down - alas, the fate of all who are fortunate and blessed enough to live a life to their three-score and ten and beyond. What to do? Let's call on the brethren to share the misery! That'll show God that we're good people and deserve a break!

The whole concept is infantile. What's more, it's introverted. It does nothing for anybody outside the ghetto. I suppose it does help shore up the sense of identity, specialness and separateness from the wicked world - and those in deviant Laodicean pseudo-COGs. But then, is that a good thing?

Then there was the August 2007 fast... hardly time to recover from March. Again, a comment from the archives:

Poor old Rod. Every time something goes wrong, guess whose fault it is? Yes, you brethren have been getting Laodicean! Notice that the Grand High Poobah doesn't include himself in the backsliding. My question would be whether the saintly Presiding Evangelist will himself be fasting on the 4th. Obviously he doesn't seem to think he needs to, and longtime observers will remember Herbert Armstrong's reputation for drinking coffee on the Day of Atonement, which he shrugged off with a "well, I always said there was no nutritional value in cup of coffee!"

How many fasts has Rod called since then? Most of us have given up counting. Is this one any different. Read Gary's piece and the answer is pretty apparent.

Rod however should fast. He's the one who rattled his tonsils irresponsibly on the Scarborough affair, pulling his church into the legal quicksand. He's the one who consistently ignores the sage advice in James 3:1-12. Somebody should frame that passage and place it in a prominent place in Rod's office where he can be constantly reminded of it.

Blog Watch - July 11

It's sometimes hard to keep up with the buzz around the collapsing pocket universe of the Churches of God. Here are some recent posts on other blogs that have their finger on the pulse.

Gary (Banned): Rod has written to the faithful telling them to get in behind Gerry Weston. As he always seems to when he's ostensibly singing someone else's praises, Rod begins by rehearsing just what a terrifically important and faithful chap he, Rod, is. Gary raises an eyebrow at the claims in his own inimitable way. There are some excellent comments from readers.

Kathleen (Dying for God's Sake): In case you were tempted to view the old Worldwide Church of God through rose coloured glasses, Kathleen reprises the instructions ministers received regarding sticky healing situations and the law. Dishonest, duplicitous and deceitful only begin to describe the church's policy.

Redfox (Living Armstrongism): 'Redfox' is a more patient man than I, taking the time to carefully go through the 1996 edition of the Global COG booklet, God's Intervention in World Affairs, by Rod Meredith. As the blogger points out, this thing has been around twenty years now, and frankly it hasn't passed the test of time at all well. Mind you, nothing Meredith has written since he began his career as a blowhard in the 1950s has. You'd think he'd have learned a little humility over the decades, but alas not (see Gary's piece above).

Silenced: This is the most technically irritating of all the blogs. Depending on how you hold your mouth it can take over a minute to load, and it defies any attempts to slot it into a regular blog feed - which is the only reason I don't have it listed there - it doesn't work. It'd also be nice to give the blogger a name - or at least a nom-de-plume - but the only identifier on offer is "Silence". All of which is a shame as the writer has interesting and perceptive views to offer. "Sustenance Tithing" asks the question, just how many suckers does it take to finance a small COGlet. I think S has it about right, but would add that there's the 'promiscuity' factor - the tendency for members to drink from more than one poisoned well, so to speak.

All of the above are well worth checking out.

Addendum: from the pro-COG COG News website: "John Jewell died on 29th June, aged 83. He ran the Worldwide Church of God’s printing press in the UK in the 1960s, before being ordained as a pastor. He joined the United Church of God at its formation in 1995, and was appointed CEO of UCG British Isles, after David Hulme had split the church in 1998, taking the large majority of UK members with him.

"He left UCG along with a few other members in 2002, and launched an internet radio website Radio 4 Living. Some of the programmes have also been broadcast on radio in Northern Ireland and Southern Spain."

PCG - Brexit buffoonery

Richard Palmer must have been a very busy little bee providing copy on Brexit as the print deadline for the August issue of the Flurry Trumpet loomed.

August? But it's nary half way into July you protest. Beats me too, but PCG likes to stay ahead of the calendar.

Palmer produced two articles on the hop; What's Next for Britain? and What's Next for Europe? As with all COG pundits, I'm intrigued to know what actual experience and qualifications Richie brings to his analysis. A degree in political science? Years working on the stock exchange? An auntie living in Brussels? Probably not. Just a delusional belief that alcoholic apostle Herb Armstrong was right - even when he was wrong - and Gerry is his prophet.

And make no mistake, the Armstrong name comes up again and again in the Palmer punditry. I have this little technique which makes this level of idolatry just a tad more palatable. For every "Mr. Armstrong", "Herbert Armstrong", "Herbert W. Armstrong" or variations thereof I simply substitute the word Moloch. For variety I'll sometimes go for fishier Dagon. Yes, I know, but it stops me banging my head obsessively against the keyboard.

If you really want to know something about Brexit and the ongoing aftermath, I recommend the excellent online version of The Guardian - just be sure you select the UK edition.

A more comprehensive overview of the August (actually July) Trumpet is available on the Living Armstrongism blog.

The Last Assignment

An obituary to Mac Overton which appeared in the Gilmer Mirror last week is available here.

The Journal - 185th issue

The latest issue of The Journal: News of the Churches of God dated June 30 has been released.

It's a poignant issue with a focus on the late Karl Beyersdorfer and a final contribution from Mac Overton, written just before his death.

Mac was a journalist to the last, writing of his experience in a nursing home, with very human details of nursing care, food and the trials of lukewarm coffee.

There are warm tributes to Karl Beyersdorfer from several individuals who knew him over the years. You get the impression that he was one of the more decent ministers, a man who in many ways "broke the mold", and an individual who was deeply conflicted over a number of issues. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but this must be the most respectful and considered reaction to the suicide of a prominent COG figure on record.

What you can't help notice, though, is that none of the articles comes from an LCG source. While LCG has been circumspect in its reporting of Beyersdorfer's death, it seems they've been very guarded in what they'll say. John Sash writes: "I called Gene Hilgenberg, the Living pastor who gave the Sabbath sermon as well as the funeral sermon, for details of dates for this article. Gene did not return my call."

While the latest crop of COG recruiting magazines seem to have been too far down the editorial pipeline to include references to Brexit, some correspondents to the Journal managed to squeeze their concerns and observations under the deadline wire. Brian Harris provides a precis of what he picked up on news media - which seems a bit pointless. In the letters section Lewis and Kathleen McCann from Milton Keynes applaud the decision to leave the EU and hope for a re-connection with "the Commonwealth countries." Somehow I doubt they mean Uganda.

The list of 2016 Feast of Tabernacles sites now stands at 226 around the planet. Ken Westby has downsized his ACD ministry with smaller premises, and has "ruthlessly got rid of about another thousand books I deemed I could live without." Ken, believe me, I feel your pain. I have a similar task ahead of me having already thinned the shelves somewhat.

Of course there's more. Lifenets, UCG's inability to effect doctrinal change, and two octogenarian COGgers who ended up dead - one murdered in a cemetery, allegedly over a doctrinal (!) dispute, the other (the murderer) in an exchange of gunfire with police. Whatever happened to the Holy Spirit boys?

No mention (that I could find) of the upcoming "Scarborough Fair" which kicks off in a couple of days. I'd have thought that'd be a major story. The LCG punkawallahs should be somewhat preoccupied this month.

You can download the complete issue for yourself.

Happy COG families, parables, Nuclear Neal, and Joel at Armageddon

Break out the milk and cookies, the latest edition of COGWA's not-a-magazine magazine, Discern, is its "happy families" issue.

Happy families? That's always been part of a wholesome PR that goes way back to the seventies, and doubtless beyond that. If you want to know how to break free of the real world, flesh and blood pains and ambiguities of marriage and parenting, do we have good news. Our experts (hack writers) can lead you into the all-American stereotype. Families with flashing white teeth, smiles, the embodiment of niceness and compliance.

Which makes it difficult to explain why so many church kids ditch the whole enterprise just as soon as they're free to walk out the door.

Having said that, there's probably some good advice in this issue. The problem is that good advice is hardly as useful as good example, and how are you going to raise strong, independent, autonomous kids when Mummy and Daddy are doormats to a controlling, high demand sect that tells them what to think?

This edition begins with sagacious advice from the editor, Clyde Kilough. Is Clyde a control freak? I've no idea, but there are a few folk from his days as Beloved Leader at UCG who probably have a well-formed opinion. Becky Sweat has the cover article, 7 Characteristics of Healthy Families. Amazing how that number seven keeps turning up when COG writers want to make a list. It's all very nice, but also somewhat trite (e.g. number 1: A deep commitment to one another).

David Treybig writes on lessons he learned from his parents. Again, there's nothing wrong with what he offers, but it's also fairly platitudinous (e.g. work hard). You might not be surprised to find that "encourage critical thinking" gets missed from the list. At least Dave didn't try to pad it out to the biblical seven. My reaction to number one is a bit jaundiced: "loving authority". Did you say authority?

If  the  Creator  God,  the  being  with  the  most  authority in the universe, can take the time to educate grown-ups on the consequences of their actions, shouldn’t parents do the same for their children?

Now, see, there's the problem Dave, starting with the word 'if' and then moving on to Sky Father imagery. Not that Dave would have a clue what I'm talking about I guess.

Mike Bennett ties in happy families with Sabbath keeping. Sounding semi-enlightened Mike proclaims "The Sabbath was made for man - and families." Maybe he's been dusting off one of the old Bacchiocchi titles. Treybig is back with a piece on the prodigal son parable. It has "overlooked meaning" apparently, so we're all very lucky that Dave can set us straight, courtesy of ten minutes skimming through the Expositor's Bible Commentary.

Jeremy Lallier writes about Putting Character to the Test, based on another parable, the good Samaritan. Then, wouldn't you know it, Mike Bennett is back with the encouraging news that "You can become a Saint!" (in the sense that all Christians are saints). But shouldn't that be you are a Saint?

So far, so vitamin-fortified, family-friendly biblical, but where's the precious (should that be precocious) prophecy? Fear not little flock, Neal Hogberg to the rescue with "New Nuclear Nightmares." Neal rarks up the fear factor, which is, let's face it, the tried and true strategy that has brought home the kosher bacon for COG sects since before the Radio Church of God launched in the 1930s.

Is there more? Erik Jones asks What Did and Didn't Jesus Look Like? (Hint: he had short hair. Yep, I'm as surprised as you aren't.)

No issue of Discern would be complete without a contribution from Joel Meeker. Joel plays on his experience as an amateur archaeologist with a one-page column on the joys of shifting dirt at Armageddon. I'm sure, once he'd finished, he uttered the words "Armageddon outa here!"

You can't read a hard copy issue because it seems COGWA does this on the cheap as a download only. The link at the top will take you to a page where you can do just that. Knock yourself out.