Run, Spot, Run

Bob Thiel helpfully reminds us that Living University opens this week with a raft of unaccredited qualifications on offer. Not that Bob uses the "u"-word, and you'll certainly have problems finding any admission that it's an unaccredited operation on the LU website.

But, what-me-worry. Check out the "university" "bookstore" (use of two sets of quote marks is intentional) and you'll get a good idea of the quality of papers on offer. Teaching "Life, Ministry, and Teachings of Jesus" from a Harmony of the Gospels? How unique! The other three key texts are all published by fundamentalist Baker Books.

One text you won't find at LU, I suspect, will be Lester Grabbe's Ancient Israel, the latest offering from a highly respected biblical scholar who just happens to have started out at Ambassador College. Grabbe perhaps uses too many big words to meet the reading age requirements of LU's teaching staff, let alone the students, but the truth is that the guy has real grunt in the academic world. Ancient Israel will be released later this year, but is already available for preorder.

Prospective LU enrollees might better be served by brushing up on their "Janet and John" readers.

STP rises again

The first time I asked someone what STP stood for I was told - with a straight face - "Stop Teenage Pregnancy." I was about 15, and the inquiry was about a motor oil sticker.

STP, as in the ill-fated Systematic Theology Project, was yet to rise - and fall. It might have been an uninspiring document, but had the potential to lead the WCG out of the cultic wilderness where doctrine was set by an old man's whim and a host of hooey was blathered from a thousand pulpits each Sabbath by Rod Meredith clones "winging it."

And now it's back again - or something very much like it. Toddle over to wcg.org and check the PDF document out for yourself.

The name is different, and Bob Kuhn has been replaced by Larry, Curly and Moe (a.k.a. the two Mikes and Joe Jr.), but Thirty Five Doctrines of the Worldwide Church of God is - all 174 tedious pages of it - the 2007 equivalent of 1978's unloved loose-leaf compendium.

Exactly who 35D is written for is unclear, the church is stressing that there's "nothing new." Maybe the intended audience is the wider evangelical community, another arrow in their PR quiver. Unlike the 1978 original, there's nothing here to move the church forward, and the section on church leadership ("our episcopal structure") is pathetically deficient.

If history was to repeat itself, 35D would be in circulation only briefly before the effluent hit the fan and the church tottered on the brink of disaster, drowning in scandal.

Ah, the good old days. We can but hope...

From thy precepts I learn

I apologise for this link.

I won't do it again.

I'm really, really sorry if it causes nausea, headaches, angina or depression.

The Devil made me do it.

It's really Shadows' fault.

You probably shouldn't click on it.

I will now go and sit in a dark corner till teatime.

Sorry.

On Safari

Are you a Windows user who wants to give Bill Gates a symbolic heave-ho?

Have you tried dumping Internet Explorer but never entered a committed relationship with Firefox?

Did you mourn the passing of Netscape?

When someone suggested SeaMonkey did you just laugh?

Will you admit, confess and repent of downloading Opera, the European browser of the Beast?

Yet, in all this time, you've never been able to evaluate the browser most beloved of the Apple heretics: Safari.

Now you can. Safari 3 for Windows beta.

It's free, it's different and it's (choke, choke) quite good.

Bob's Bible Blender

Bob Thiel is in attack mode, and his latest target is the hapless Ken Westby and ACD.

I've never met Westby, and I'm pretty far removed from his weltanschau, but he seems a decent bloke with a track record of acting on principle. I personally don't share his unitarian enthusiasm, but that's largely because I think he's asking the wrong questions. But does that mean it's okay to label the guy a "heretic"?

Heresy is in the eye of the beholder. There's something incongruous about Bob pasting the label on Ken when Bob is an apologist for the Living Church of God, a sect widely regarded as heretical itself.

Bob writes: I believe that what A.C.D. does and stands for is dangerous and at least two of its teachings need to be denounced as heresy–the first being the denial of Jesus being God and the second being the denial of portions of the New Testament being scripture... A.C.D. is promoting heresy by teaching that Jesus is not God. Yet Jesus is God and that is what the Bible clearly teaches.

Hold your horses Bob, just what do you mean "the Bible clearly teaches"?

The Bible is a collection of documents written over centuries, composed in various genres and grounded in changing cultures. What Leviticus teaches needn't be what Galatians teaches. Mark's understanding of Jesus is different in many ways from John's. To use the jargon, Mark's earlier Christology is low, John's is high. Putting all the books of the Old and New Testaments into the LCG blender and whizzing them around till they come out as homogeneous pulp is just plain stupid. Each biblical writer needs to be heard individually before making sweeping generalizations (or Fred Coulter-type harmonizations) based on cut 'n paste proof texts severed in bloody chunks from the living documents.

But then, Armstrongism Ancient & Modern knows no other way to approach the Bible. Chuck it in the blender and pick out the bits you like that float to the top. This then can be defended as "the Bible interpreting itself." Why is Rod Meredith allowed to see some things differently in 2007 to Herbert Armstrong back in 1967, while Mark in 50 CE must be squished into the same identical mold as John in 95 CE or thereabouts? This is a woeful understanding of inspiration.

A.C.D. denies the diety [sic] of Christ and questions the Gospel that the Holy Spirit inspired John to write and apparently other passages of scripture. A.C.D. is thus promoting dangerous heresies and should be denounced by those who believe that they are in the true Church of God.

Bob fails to mention that non-unitarians engaged F. Paul Haney and other speakers at the conference in Albany. They seem to have done so with a spirit of generosity and openness, with no indication of name calling and anathemas. I'm also guessing that David Sielaff (who spoke against the unitarian position) at least knows how to spell deity.

As for Bob objecting to the idea of "the denial of portions of the New Testament being scripture," well, maybe he would like to tell us all whether he regards the "Johannine coda" (1 John 5:7-8 in ye olde King James Version) as scriptural.

Westby et al invite us to think about our binatarian assumptions. Why is that a problem? Either they can make a convincing case or they can't. Bob's latest outburst of outrage - what Brian Knowles calls heresy hunting - offers nothing constructive to that debate.

The latest Journal

The latest issue of The Journal (June-July) is in the post, and there's a range of interesting material on offer from editor Dixon Cartwright.

* Samuele Bacchiocchi, an Adventist scholar well known in COG circles, is battling claims that he inflated his qualifications from the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome. It seems incredible that his record could be questioned all these years after he was awarded a doctorate, and wrote openly about the process.

* On other matters pontifical, Bob Thiel gives unsolicited ecumenical advice to the Eastern Orthodox Church (no, really, would I make that up?) Doubtless the bearded Patriarchs of Moscow and Athens will be urgently meeting to carefully and prayerfully consider his cogent counsel.

* The remarkable Ian Boyne is once again strutting and preening about the accomplishments of his Jamaican CGI sub-sect. Thus saith Ian: "The Jamaican CGI is the largest and fastest-growing group derived from the Worldwide Church of God group in the English, Spanish, French and Dutch-speaking Caribbean and perhaps the fastest-growing Church of God (COG) group in the world." Ian's passionate advocacy is doubtless both admirable and unimpeachable, but it's not altogether clear whether those accomplishments include any internal system of checks and balances and elected offices in the cause of accountability. "The model we follow is what I have called “participatory hierarchy.”" - Say what?!

* One God Seminar speakers have again been chewing the unitarian fat, this time in Albany, NY.

* Brian Knowles has contributed a one-off column to put Bob Thiel right – and pass some remarks about an item I wrote on the blog a while ago.

The Journal website is www.thejournal.org and you don't need to be a subscriber to view the front and back pages in PDF format.

The last words of Shirley Pack

We are all, like it or not, creatures of the dust, mortal and locked in time. The passing of any one individual is a cause for reflection, and empathy for family and friends whose lives were intertwined with a unique presence now lost. As much as we may wish to ignore the uncomfortable reality, this too will be our fate. Life is like that.

So, while I don't wish to be insensitive, the passing of Shirley Pack, wife of self-anointed apostle David C. Pack, is hardly a surprise. She may well have been a fine human being, dutiful wife and loving mother. Perhaps, in her own way, she had moments of insight and clarity which redeemed her perception of the hateful fundamentalism espoused by her husband. I hope so.

But the desecration of anyone's life by postmortem apologetic rape is a vile thing. The manufacturing of "last words" is not uncommon, but is usually intended to bring compassion and comfort those confronting loss. But to do so in order to manipulate is simply despicable.

Is this the case with Shirley Pack? Read Gary Scott's commentary and you be the judge.

UCG HO ho ho

The United Church of God, an International Acronym [UCGia], is moving its Home Office [HO] to Denton, Texas [TX]. The story goes that they picked up a very nice property at a bargain price, so what's not to like?

Word is out on the grapevine that the fabulous new facility has been sold to the membership minus a few choice bits of information. The remainder of this posting is edited and excerpted from one of the Yahoo newsgroups (reposted in full here).

***

Two or three miles from the property...

Safety-Kleen Systems, Inc., Denton, TX (TXD077603371): Safety-Kleen is a recycling center that specializes in the recovery and recycling of spent solvents and associated wastes. A Resource Conservation and Recovery Act (RCRA) Permit No. HW-50163 was issued for the facility on August 9, 1994. The permit authorizes the facility to accept and process a wide array of hazardous wastes with no disposal on-site. On September 22, October 1, and October 6, 1998, 6EN-HT staff concluded a Compliance Evaluation Inspection (CEI) at Safety-Kleen. On November 12, 1999, EPA conducted a follow-up CEI and noted the following violations: (1) Treatment and/or storage of hazardous waste without a permit in the day tanks,the debris sorting table, and the fluid recycling service unit, and (2) Failure to control air emissions for containers under subpart CC. On March 28, 2000, EPA issued an Administrative Order assessing a civil penalty of $1,617,908.00 plus injunctive relief.

When some of the COE members had been there to visit they were taken in the front way so they did not see these things [the waste center, and a nearby trailer park that houses registered sex offenders] they just saw the pretty parts. So these folks feel they have discovered why the property was so cheap, and are concerned about the location being much less than the desirable one that was presented in the videos and the United News. Most in the GCE do not yet even know about this...

Among the nasties said to be emitted from the factory: toluene and ethyl benzene. Sounds an idyllic locale.

***

So, if all this is true, it's obviously very relevant to the purchase decision. Has UCG gone past the point of no return with the property? Maybe it's time for the members whose tithes are bankrolling the move to phone, fax or email the HO with a few pertinent questions.

July 31

Yes brethren, it's the last day of July and no more sleeps to go. After weeks of anticipation we can all finally yell out...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERB!

The apostle was born in Old Des Moines today in 1892. Fireworks and revelry began at midnight as millions poured out of cities like New Auckland and Lomaville (formerly Sydney) to pay homage to God's Right Hand Man, who has just returned from his 33rd Universe-wide junket visiting alien government heads in Andromeda on behalf of the Government of God. The biggest celebrations have yet to commence when the first rays of the sun strike the New Temple in Armstrong City (formerly Jerusalem) in a few hours time. Since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named returned in glory in 1975 the world has been transformed into a true Garden of Eden, and we are all very, very grateful. Just yesterday the resurrected Richard "Dick" Armstrong placed the final shovel full of soil - removed in 1982 from the summit of Mount Everest - into what had been the Atlantic Ocean. Prophecy is being fulfilled before our eyes!

Not even the rebellion of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named can dampen the thrill of this year's Herbalmass; after all, we're all aware of other sons who went wrong. Exactly where HWMNBN will establish his new rebel headquarters is as yet unknown, but Herbert W. Armstrong, now promoted to fill his executive role, has ruled out a possible location in the Sides of the North. Roderick C. Meredith, now number 3 following the defection of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, is quoted in The Happier, Bestest Ever News as saying: "let him camp out in the Dog Star."

Meanwhile "Kscribe" has released his annual birthday bash tribute to the Mighty One at www.herbertwarmstrongvideo.net, please report any family members who fail to view it to the local enforcement office in your area.

Prophet of the Seventies

Few individuals were as influential in the 1974 exodus as former AC professor of theology Ernest Martin. His booklets were read surreptitiously by ministers and lay members alike. I even remember a sermonette given by the very proper Karl Karlov, regarded by some (poor, deluded souls) as the intellectual grunt in the New Zealand WCG, attempting to deconstruct Martin's arguments on tithing.

But please, don't get me started on Karlov, or I'll tell you the umbrella story, and we'll all regret that! I'm not sure whether even Karl understood his own anemic sermons. I gather he apostatized to UCG in Australia after relentlessly gushing about the changes in the Good News Grapevine. No, I really shouldn't have mentioned his name. Quick Gertrude, slap me quick before I carry on any fur...

Thanks.

As I was saying: Ernest Martin and tithing. His booklet was a huge influence in stemming the tide of tithe dollars to Pasadena. In my files is a copy of the 1979 edition entitled The Tithing Fallacy. I frankly wasn't impressed by some things he wrote, but when it came to blowing apart the abusive nonsense WCG taught on tithing, the man was a steamroller! It was the most potent counterblast on that subject I'd seen, and it's still one of the best.

But I'm wandering... it comes with the advancing years, just ask "Kscribe". Irritating I know, but just imagine what Karl Karlov must sound like now! Keep your distance with that rolling pin Gertrude!

So, Martin produced an expanded edition of that superb little 38 page booklet and relaunched it in 14 (!) chapters as The Tithing Dilemma. I haven't read it, but if it's as good as its predecessor then it's very good indeed. WARNING: the intended audience is Christian folk who take the Bible seriously, so all you Godless reprobates are sure to complain about the assumptions he brings to the task: tough bikkies (I wonder if that translates in American slang?) The reality is that the people who will most benefit from a publication like this are good Christian folk who take the Bible extremely seriously, so quit your mithering.

The good news is that this expanded version is available in full online here: check it out. Fourteen chapters is a bit intimidating, but promises a comprehensive debunking. I'm glad it's still out there, and it'd be great to think that it might continue to assist in the righteous task of draining the cash flow of the manipulative sects that claim the Herbal mantle.