WCG Home Remedies

Charlie K. reminds us of the "good old days" when church members traded in suitably kosher advice on everything imaginable, from natural deodorants to dandruff cures. Two recollections:

Use Cold Cream instead of Anti-perspirant/deodorant.

Rub your scalp with apple cider vinegar to cure dandruff. (I know someone who followed up on this...What a stink! You couldn't get close enough to see if the dandruff cleared up).

Okay, so who can add to the list... bearing in mind the obligatory warning: try these at your own risk!

All Time Record?

LCG gushes: "In March of 2007 the TomorrowsWorld.org website set an all-time record of 62,757 unique visitors! The previous high was in January 2007, which recorded 58,947."

At times like this it's a good idea to take the Alexa sobriety test. Today's rankings for LCG:

Tomorrow's World 318,017
COGwriter 284,374
LCG 564,153
COGL 5,377,141

Once again, Alexa shows that LCG's most effective site isn't its own. Bob Thiel's no-frills COGwriter runs rings around the official (and very expensive) LCG domains.

A quick round-up also reveals that Mark Armstrong's sites (intercontinentalcog and garnertedarmstrong.ws) have both dropped off into the abyss - now ranking below the top million. Also in freefall, judging from the latest data, is ASK (the site founded by the late Ernest Martin.) Neither, however, are doing as poorly as Rod's COGL... that 5 million figure has to be a rogue result... doesn't it?

Well, it seems not. If you click across to Alexa's returns, then scroll down to the bottom, it seems clear that everything is going West: reach, rank and page views.

A smattering of other results:

Restored Church of God
RCG (Pack) 47,730
Real Truth (Pack) 79,289
Here's the real winner, though the reason is unclear.

United Church of God
UCG 129,075
GN 126,890
Beyond Today 300,422

Philadelphia Church of God
The Trumpet 260,787
PCG 1,061,330
Key of David 766,279

Odds & Ends
WCG 171,295
PTM (Albrecht) 715,321
Born to Win 183,650
AW Blog 255,047
The Journal 980,090
Bible Study (Ruth) 253,659
Coulter 742,732

Asparagus Ice Cream

No, really. Garlic ice cream is said to be more common, but asparagus, now that's really different!

Carolyn Smith-Kizer, better half to the famous Homer, is a woman of many talents, not least her passionate advocacy of 18th century French cuisine. Interviewed just last week for the Culinate blog, Carolyn reveals, among other things, the delights of asparagus ice cream (seen here swimming in strawberry sauce.) A dollop of this and it really would have been "a night to be much rememembered."

I have to confess that, being more the cookies & cream type, neither garlic nor asparagus confections have passed my lips, but for those adventurous souls with an interest in kitchen affairs from a COG-friendly perspective, Carolyn's revelations will doubtless prove inspirational. And get this, all you Laodicean lay-abouts, Carolyn's commitment to authenticity means she cooks over an open fire!

What about the French predilection for lard and blood sausage? Carolyn finds better things to tempt the palate with, and why not? No mention of those juicy little escargot though, perhaps served with butter and some of that garlic left over from the ice cream?

Carolyn's own food blog is found at 18thccuisine.blogspot.com.

Herbraic memorabilia

Oh dear lord, why doest thou tempt me so... and more importantly, can I bid for these items using third tithe money?

Just think what that armband could do for me next trick-or-treat! Assistant deacon! Such exhalted heights to aspire to! And - gasp - it's a sanctified pre-1967 RADIO Church of God armband... Maybe if I take out another mortgage...

"Imagine the power you will have when you strap this felt badge on your arm over that polyester suit! Feel the blood throbbing in your veins as power is FINALLY given to you to rule over people."
Does David ben Ariel have one of these? Does Geoffrey Neilson? Will Craig White be putting in a bid? This thing is priceless.

And then there's the limited edition, original Systematic Theology Project... be still my beating heart! David, Geoff and Craig, though, will probably want to give this one a miss

"This is an original copy of the famed and often maligned STP Project of the Worldwide Church of God from the early 70's. This is the project that was done to set into writing the beliefs of the Worldwide Church of God. In spite of the denials of HWA in 1975 and later, he was fully aware of ALL the articles that were done for the project. It was NOT done behind HWA back inspite of the lies that some of the splinter cults put out. This is also what helped lead to the downfall of GTA (among other fun 'things'). The STP Project has been in plastic sleeves since 1975. The STP Project was handed out at a ministerial conference and then several months later [was] recalled by HWA who had them all shredded. I was one of two people that shredded them. Somehow one just followed me home one day! There has been some highlighting of some of the papers."

Live dangerously! Lean to the Laodicean side... Bid now, bid often.

Meanwhile I think I'll just make a weak cup of tea and go and have a lie down while my wallet cools off in the freezer...

Glenn Mattson on LCG

Worth checking out is a raw and honest piece - appropriate perhaps for the season - by former LCG member Glenn Mattson. It was originally posted to the JLF board, but was picked up by Felix Taylor at Post-WCG Life & Theology. I think a lot of us have been where Glenn is at the moment.

Jared of Hippo?

There are online quizzes out there for almost everything, but it'd have to be a slow day for anyone to dream up Which Church Father Are You? (there are no recognised Church Mothers apparently.)

I've got to admit, having had a stab at the quiz, that I'm hugely curious as to which of these eminent gentlemen longtime AW commentator Jared Olar would be best compared to. Jared is one of the most knowledgable persons on the ex-COG planet about the Church Fathers, and a tireless advocate for the virtues of the Western Catholic tradition. Athanasius perhaps, or even Augustine?

Another prominent figure who has devoted much time to a study of the topic is LCG's "unofficial nuncio to the Laodiceans", Bob Thiel. I'd have guessed he'd be a definite Tertullian, but seeing that's who I came out as, it's not very likely!

"You possess many gifts, but patience isn’t one of them. You’re tough on yourself — and on others. You’re independent, too, and you don’t like to be told what to do. You wish the Church would be a little tighter in discipline. As for the pagans, you’ve pretty much written them off. Sometimes you think the Church would be a better place if you were in charge."

What, little ol' liberal me? The only consolation is that Tertullian is the only church father I can think of who ended his career being regarded as a heretic. There's hope for us all!

On a somewhat related matter, former WCG member Kevin Edgecomb, now an Eastern Orthodox Christian, has his own blog. Kevin was well known for his forthright views on certain newsboards several years back, and I confess to an exchange of fire with him on several occasions (though I'm sure I never won any points decisions.) Kevin is also linking to the Church Fathers quiz, and if you scroll down his page I think you'll agree that the perspective he offers - at least for an ex-WCG member - is quite unique.

Hullabaloo

Greetings everyone, my name is Syd Hull, minister of Jesus Christ in His End Time body, the Worldwide Church of God, founded by Mr Herbert W. Armstrong.

Ahem. Can we do that again? Greetings everyone, my name is Syd Hull, minister of Jesus Christ in His End Time body, the Global Church of God, founded by Dr Roderick C. Meredith.

Um. Take three, harrumph! Greetings everyone, my name is Syd Hull, minister of Jesus Christ in His End Time body, the Living Church of God, founded by Dr Roderick C. Meredith to replace the Global Church of God which WAS His End Time Body till around last Tuesday.

Ah. Er. Ahem. Can we do that again? Greetings everyone, my name is Syd Hull, minister of Jesus Christ in His End Time body, the Restored Church of God, founded by Mr David C. Pack.

Oh shoot! Forget all that and let's take it from the top:

Greetings everyone, my name is Syd Hull, minister of Jesus Christ in His End Time body, which may or may not be the Enduring Church of God, founded by Mr Charles E. Bryce.

But regardless, brethren, GOD IS ON HIS THRONE, and Thiel STAYS disfellowshipped, so there!

(News that Syd is rumoured to have fled from Big Dave's cult - possibly to Bryce's embrace - appeared this week on Bob Thiel's website.)

Lard or Lord?

I may well get into trouble for saying so, but there seems a clear correlation between religious fanaticism and food fanaticism. In the COG/ex-COG community you can almost guarantee that those good folk who hold the most conservative views about Herbert Armstrong or the Sabbath will be the most particular about what they eat (or don't eat). Follow the discussion on one of the fundamentalist COG forums for any length of time and you'll be bombarded with well-intentioned advice on what to avoid. An outsider might be forgiven for thinking they'd run into a hippie-style organic health cult (until they read the postings on prophecy.)

Our Seventh-day Adventist cousins are much the same. I browsed through the local Adventist Book Center some time ago, and was amazed to find that, while you couldn't find a decent Bible commentary in stock, there were “health products” aplenty. The Adventists have some different ideas from the COGs, pushing a strict vegetarian line, but the parallels are also uncanny.

There are reasons other than the obvious ones. Food restrictions are a very effective “purity barrier” which isolates a group from the wider world. Intensive food preparation avoids the problem of “idle hands” for the ladies: who knows what terrible vices they might get up to with that extra free time. Good grief, they might read something and then ask impertinent questions of the menfolk! And you certainly need to think twice before accepting an invitation to a meal at the home of non-church members, you never know what might end up on your plate.

There's also a correlation with fringe medicine. If “medical science” is suspect, the alternatives need to be explored. How many weird “natural” regimens have been adopted by members desperate to do something to get well (or stay well) without showing “lack of faith” by visiting a doctor? Eight times out of ten the “solution” will be to further restrict their diet. Nine times out of ten it will be totally futile.

Fanaticism tends to loop back on itself and hold hands with unlikely soul mates. Stalin and Hitler came from the two extremities of the Left/Right continuum, but in their totalitarianism they were one. “Greenies” and ageing hippies are light years removed from the Bible toting brethren that dutifully troop off to PCG Sabbath services each week, but they could probably happily swap bread recipes.

American Catholic theologian Bruce Malina has an interesting theory about religious views and gardening styles as well, but that's a post for another day.

Pondering the Passover

I got home tonight to discover my letter box had been "hit" by the local Jehovah's Witnesses; a mass produced leaflet with an invitation to attend "the anniversary of Jesus' death" which "falls on Monday, April 2, after sundown." Uh, and I thought it was yesterday evening.

JW's are the other significant minority sect, outside the Churches of God, that celebrate a version of the Passover, commemorating the Last Supper, only once each year.

I'll be giving the JW version a miss, though I think it's interesting that outsiders are now welcome to attend. As I understand it, only a very few, those who believe they are among the elect group of 144,000, take the emblems of the bread and wine. Garden variety JWs simply look on.

Is there a strategy here one or more of the COGs might wish to emulate? After all, interested outsiders are usually welcome to attend the various Feast of Tabernacles services (with the exception of the very closed communities of PCG and COG-AIC.)

Every Christian community seems to have its own tradition involving a symbolic meal of bread and wine, basing it on the New Testament accounts. Mass, Eucharist, Sacramental meal, Passover, Lord's Supper; the similarities are obvious despite the different names. The annual Church of God version had its strengths and weaknesses. Footwashing never seemed to make much sense to me in a society without dusty roads and open-toed sandals, but being a once a year event it seemed to mean a lot more than the monthly "Holy Communion" service I was used to in the Lutheran church of my childhood.

Whatever else the Passover means, it's a statement of commitment. If that commitment is to the life and teachings of Jesus (rather than a sect or Elijah-figure) then maybe that's an entirely legitimate thing to do.

Moderation and a Lost Logo

Living University has lost its logo, but we're pleased to restore it for the benefit of AW readers (special thanks to "you-know-who" in Pasadena). Whoever designed it didn't take into account the shock/horror effect of anything resembling a cross on the hyper-Armstrong brethren. To be fair, it's doubtful that this rather amateur effort was ever intended to be anything other than a temporary fill-in. In any case, LCG pulled the offending artwork soon after the concerned emails started coming in from disturbed members.

Beginning with this posting comments on AW will be moderated. Hopefully this will help with the quality, and discourage the CAPS LOCK screamers. All opinions are welcome, but basic civility is definitely appreciated. Anonymous postings are fine, but preference will go to those identified by a pen name. Obviously there will be some delay between submitting and publishing, especially considering the difference in timezones between the US and New Zealand, but hopefully the payoff will be in more relevant material. The moderation policy will be reviewed mid-April.