One Accord, Two Accord WCG

Is this Jim Franks or Clyde Kilough?

One Accord. It's a name we associate with COGWA through its member mag.

Worldwide Church of God. Pretty clearly that's Grace Communion International before it rebranded.

So what would you make of a group calling itself One Accord Worldwide Church of God Inc.

Yes brethren, it exists, though it seems unrelated to its namesakes.

Do you think the good folk at OAWCOG have any idea of the Herbalist connections? Located in Red Springs, North Carolina, you'd think that'd be a given, but who knows?

And just an afterthought... did COGWA choose the name "One Accord" in a moment of subliminal inspiration based on this group's use of the name? Hmm.

If you're looking for a harlot, LCG, try a mirror

Life is tough in Iraq for Christians. No surprise that there's an increasing sense of common identity across old sectarian divides. Nothing unites people like a common threat. The 'prophecy team' who write for LCG's weekly update seem to have been smoking unverified substances, because they've leapt on this as an example of prophecy in action and a foretaste of a Roman Catholic takeover of other "professing" Christian churches.

LCG has a hard time understanding co-operation between churches. The idea of joining a local ministers' fraternal would probably appall them. Seeing ministers and lay people from different traditions participating together in community groups and charities must be deeply puzzling for these exclusivists who are reluctant to even tell us that they've been having nice little chats with cognate groups like COGWA. That they project this inanity on other denominations says more about them than the churches they're commenting on.

As for the Catholic Church, you'd have to be a moron in a hurry not to recognize the deep problems they face in coming to terms with a rapidly changing world. At least they're attempting to make a transition, which is more than you can say for the 'curia' in LCG's gerontocracy.

Number crunching and the 2016 FOT

One very effective way of judging growth and member satisfaction in the larger WCG spinoffs is attendance at the annual Feast of Tabernacles observance. Brethren are able to literally "vote with their feet" - the only kind of vote most of them are permitted.

Prestige comes with big feast sites. But just as important (perhaps more so) is money. Holy Day offerings are a huge boost to the sponsoring church's income stream. If people stay away, income will fall.

News is that LCG feast enrollment this year is sluggish, and the enforcer-ministry has been told to kick the sluggards into action quick-smart. There are growing indications, however, that LCG isn't an outlier in this trend. Other COGs may be facing an embarrassing decline in attendance this year too.

Herbert Armstrong created the Feast of Tabernacles traditions as we know them today. He ignored the Jewish precedents and largely made it up as he went. The proof texting basis for the way WCG did it - and now UCG. LCG, PCG, CGI and others - is shaky at best, and verging on dishonest. If you wanted to honor the Old Testament Holy Days, there are better alternatives.

How many brethren really, honestly save a full second tithe? How many can really afford the week away from work and school? How many despair when it comes to scraping up those additional Holy Day offerings?

And how many are heartily sick of the annual refrain "best feast ever" when clearly it wasn't.

This year's attendance figures may indicate the way of things to come.

A COGish view of Brexit

Britons are heading to the polls in a few days to decide on their future in Europe. James McBride, a British-based minister for COGM, formerly with WCG then CGI, has recently opined on the subject. You can read his analysis here.

James' views aren't exactly subtle: "The future of the United Kingdom hangs in the balance, the core question being the vital one of national sovereignty." Surprisingly, "The nation is a divine institution. Nations develop from original family units that have grown large, each developing its unique language, culture, traditions (see Genesis 11)."

But it gets better: "The fusion of disparate nations - different in language, heritage, culture - in a union flies in the face of God's wise decision to establish mankind in sovereign nations."

Uh... where to begin. How about the "United Kingdom" itself. Do we assume James supports independence for Scotland and Wales? On this basis shouldn't the US abandon American Samoa and Puerto Rico?

Then again, might one ask James exactly which "original family units" were responsible for modern nations? In a North American context are we talking about Native American roots? I doubt that's what James means. In a Kiwi context are we talking about the Maori tribes that arrived on great sea-going canoes from Eastern Polynesia? Again, methinks James has something else in mind.

This kind of logic probably made sense in the Europe of the eighteenth century, an age of rampant jingoism. Today, not so much.

Orlando - and the COG predicament

Forty-nine innocent lives lost in a Florida nightclub. Young people in their twenties and thirties. Shades of the Paris concert that was targeted by Islamic terrorists at the Bataclan last November. It's ideal fodder for the usual anti-foreign discourse that energises the conservative COG ministry. The fact that it happened on American soil could only add to the paranoia that groups like the PCG seek to exploit.

But there's a problem isn't there? Those victims were overwhelmingly part of the Gay and Lesbian community. The nightclub was a well-known gay venue. The alternate COG meme is that God is punishing countries like America - perhaps especially America - for its moral failings. In the fundamentalist mindset, which the COGs share, there's no moral failing worse than same-sex relationships.

So what to do about Pulse?

It was with great interest that I read Melvin Rhodes' take on the events. Mel is COG to the core, conservative to the core, a respected commentator within the UCG. You can read his piece here.

Clearly Mel is treading on eggshells. He doesn't want to appear unsympathetic, but on the other hand, the victims were gay, practicing a lifestyle that Mel abhors and - in his mind - God abhors.

His blog entry is called "HATE WILL NEVER WIN". It's a good start.

But Mel launches a backhander. Hate is winning. Next, he slaps down a BBC correspondent who tries to put the focus on the problem of hatred of gay people. No, Mel isn't buying that. The problem must be Islam.

Bedtime reading for Mel

I'm guessing Mel has never read the unexpurgated text of The Arabian Nights (that'd curl his toes). I'm guessing he wouldn't know about the poet Rumi, the 13th-century Persian jurist, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic (and his male lover Shams). Islamic culture has always found a place for gay people, just as Catholic culture in the Middle Ages did. Fundamentalists and fanatics are the problem, fearful, threatened and feral, they've undeniably been in the ascendancy in Islam for the past century. I wonder if Mel has ever considered the reasons for that regression within this time frame. Probably not.

Next Mel launches into his "Islamic scholar" impersonation by citing some Quranic proof texts. This is, of course, how Mel reads his Bible, so I suppose we'll have to simply smile tolerantly. The Quran has as many interpretations as the Torah, and we know how the rabbis argued over interpretations and minutiae. Islam breathes a similar atmosphere. You can certainly proof text horror out of the Quran, but that's hardly unique to this holy book.

Then we're off on an anti "liberal media", I-hate-the-BBC rant. Could this tragic event be in significant part a gun control issue? Oh goodness no!

"Predictably, the liberal media, including the BBC, said that the attack once again raised the issue of gun control. This may be the case in Washington, DC, but the only “gun control” discussed in America’s heartland is the need for everybody to be opposed – increasing fear means there is a greater need for guns! A few hours after the mass shooting, somebody came up to me before a church service and asked what I thought about people bringing guns to church. The attack on the gay nightclub could just as easily have taken place at a Christian church – dozens of churches have been attacked by Islamists in the Middle East and Pakistan."

Does Mel remember a tragic church shooting in 2005? The killer was Terry Ratzmann, a member of the Living Church of God. The venue was an LCG Sabbath service. It made news around the world. And now he thinks it's an okay thing for COG members to bring their guns to services? Ratzmann wasn't Muslim, he was one of LCG's own, even known and liked as far away as New Zealand where he'd previously kept the Feast of Tabernacles.

Back to the old "liberal media" chestnut. They're all apparently in denial about the real issues. Then again, Mel, maybe they're just a damn sight more analytical and less prone to jumping to conclusions and running off after red herrings and glib talking points.

And on we go. Mel relates listening to a youth-oriented sermon with his granddaughters in which the preacher (and we're almost certainly talking about an accredited UCG pastor) stated that "Jesus would never have mixed with gay people".

To his credit, Mel disagrees... "Rather, the gospels show us that Jesus mixed with “publicans and sinners,” including prostitutes. Jesus said: “They that are whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.” (Matthew 9:12)."

Next Mel notes that homosexuality is listed along with adultery and idolatry in 1Cor. 6:9-10. He writes: "It should be noted, here, that the Apostle Paul treated all three sexual sins equally. The Greek shows that the three sins listed all involve penetration."

Leaving aside the claim that "the Greek shows" (sounds impressive, but does Mel really read Koine?), let's think this through. Two guys cuddling up in a nightclub is okay - no penetration. Oral sex in whatever combination is okay, no penetration. Wasn't that the Clinton defense? Is this what Mel means? No, I didn't think so either.

And to state the obvious, if every UCG minister with a history of adultery were to resign tomorrow, there'd be an awful lot of empty pulpits this upcoming Sabbath.

Finally, Obama is compared unfavorably with Trump. No political cheap shots here.

I don't want to even go near the issue of what the Bible says - and doesn't say - about gay people. I do wonder, though, if Mel has any gay relatives (hey, I do, and they're "just folks"). I do wonder if Mel is aware of the struggle (in some cases leading to suicide) young gay and lesbian people have who have been raised in the COGs - including children of high-ranking ministers and at least one evangelist. I also wonder if he's ever bothered to visit Troy Fitzgerald's Secular Safe House (Troy is the son of a WCG minister).

Anti-gay rhetoric is a familiar theme in the COGs, particularly exemplified by the spiteful prose of Roderick Meredith. A half-hearted, on-the-fence response to the shootings in Orlando, fused with the usual conservative "talking points", misses an opportunity to actually say something meaningful.

The irony is that Mel's response will probably be one of the less unbalanced ones to come from COG sources.

(Two further takes on the COGs and the Orlando killings can be found on Living Armstrongism and Lonnie Hendrix's blog.)

NOTE: Melvin Rhodes has posted a follow-up to the blog column discussed above in which he responds to some of my comments. You can read it here. He states that he does not support gun carrying in churches, nor support Trump over Clinton. It's good to get the clarification. I'd only note that these positions could be easily implied from his earlier blog piece. Mel is too experienced as a journo, surely, not to know that.

Bwana Bob vs Daktari Dave

Bob lands one on Dave

It's a "rumble in the jungle", Church of God style. Bwana Bob Thiel seems to be taking over a major COG franchise in Tanzania, the operation formerly run by Daktari David Hulme. Not that we're going to learn that from Dave, who is about as forthcoming on his mini-me operation as the government of North Korea. The news comes via Prophet Bob's latest "letter to the brethren".

Bob's "pastor" in that part of the world is Evans Ochieng. Here's how Evans reports developments.

I noticed that so many people were in church of God in Tanzania. But due to poor management and relax made the congregations in Tanzania to die. The people who were in United and international community churches of God were so many in Tanzania. But poor management killed them. Before I met Andrew and his group, I met with Samson who was in United Church of God. This man was very happy to meet with me. When I introduced myself to him and and introduce the continuing church of God and the work we are doing, the man was so pleased. I gave him our magazines and statement of belief. I also explain to him why we know that continuing church of God is the only church where the truth is at this time. With prophesies, true salvation, repentance and ordained feasts. The work was so big in Tanzania that forced me to promise them another visit in July. So many people turned to join CCOG. It made me happy because of late, I wanted to pull off from Tanzania. What I noticed is that, pulling out wasn’t God’s plan. Satan was trying to block ways. But he is defeated. Martin was very happy when he met new people who are long-term members of God’s church. We were doing visitation to every member’s home. Every person whom we got his or her calling, we visit. The work was very good and made some steps a head.

After that we sat down and talk about the feast of tabernacles. How it can be organized this year. We noticed that people who will attend the feast of tabernacles this year in Tanzania will be many. We also noticed that to hire hotel for all those people will be very expensive. So Martin offered a land where we can put semi-permanent rooms to help those in Tanzania this year during the feast of tabernacles. I recommended their suggestions and when I was there I gave funds to start bringing sand. To make them it needs USD 2500. I hope this will help them and will make them steady. When I will be going back in July, I will also go and baptize 2 ladies who wanted baptism but I told Martin to continue teaching them the importance of baptism.

Bob adds:

‘Martin’ above is Martin Wanga.  He first contacted me in 2013. The ‘international community’ is a reference to the Church of God, an International Community (COGaIC)... That group initially had a relatively large presence in Africa, but many of COGaIC’s top US leaders left it a couple of years ago, and that affected their operations in Africa.

Hulme seems to have neglected Africa over a long period of time. Now that Dave's dreams have turned to custard, Africa has apparently dropped even further down the priority list. Developing local leadership and providing them with the skills to build and educate their congregations is a pretty basic imperative. It seems that, in the end, the COG-AIC members were desperate enough to jump into the arms of Evans and his Great White Prophet in California with not much thought or research. That's not as easy in Tanzania as it is in the developed West, but Dave certainly hasn't made it easier either. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

And does Bwana Bob really expect the newly rebranded Hulmites will be his till the Second Coming? The sociological factors indicate otherwise. People who struggle to get ahead in Tanzania have a whole lot of reasons for attaching themselves to a blowhard American sect, and they're not the same reasons as recruits in the Anglo world. You can bet Prophet Bob hasn't factored that in. How can two guys who both boast PhDs be so clueless?

So it's a fail all round. It's also a bit pathetic and tragic.

The obvious question now is - just how many people remain with the once ambitious Hulme? We know the British and American churches have been hit hard, and now the African brethren appear to be sailing away from Dave across Lake Victoria and into the sunset.

Too bad they're heading off after Bob.

(HT to Gary)

The Journal - 184th issue

The May 31 issue of The Journal: News of the Churches of God has been released. Some highlights.

• Sensitive coverage of the death of Karl Beyersdorfer by Dixon Cartwright ("Missouri Living Church of God Minister Dies Tragically").
• Ian Boyne with another typically effusive piece on his CGI Jamaica. Isn't there someone else in Ian's sea-girt imperium capable of stringing a few sentences together occasionally? The substance of the press release seems to be that Ian recently ordained four deacons. The article concludes: "God's truth is marching on in Jamaica." As Ian is an experienced journalist I'd have thought he could have been a bit less trite.
• 226 Feast sites are listed for later this year. How's that second tithe account looking?
• Obituaries appear for Don Waterhouse and Mac Overton. Mac was well known to Journal readers and had some interesting views on various items that appeared on AW. He was formerly on the staff of both The Worldwide News and In Transition. Condolences to family and friends.
• There are some really weird ads, but no more so than usual, I guess. I'm actually beginning to look forward to the hideously bilious prose from Lawrence Albert Nowell, chief punkahwallah of something called the Obedient Church of God which - call me cynical - I suspect meets in a broom closet in Omak. Nowell's strategy seems to be to insult as many readers as possible ("To ALL Members = YOU have been brainwashed to follow ministers and you do "not" follow God's Bible BECAUSE "YOU" ARE psychologically incapable of self-thought and USING common sense...") blah, blah blah. Thankfully, it's not possible (nor desirable) to reproduce the garish formatting in full here.
• Kathleen Kakacek's short-lived blog is featured on the back page. Mrs Kakacek, known to many AW readers, has since withdrawn the blog pending a re-think. 

The PDF is available to download. Past issues of The Journal can also be accessed via the links in the AW sidebar.

Swallowing a large dead rat

Photoshopped image of former NZ Labour Party leader

I'm not sure whether the expression means much outside New Zealand, but here politicians occasionally speak of having to swallow a dead rat. Basically, it means that in the cause of political expediency (i.e. getting elected) some policies have to be embraced that those in power would rather consign to the trash bin.

British-Israelism is the dead rat that many COG insiders have decided must be swallowed. A significant number of both ministers and lay members in the less fanatical sects long ago realised that BI is just plain wrong. They'd like to see it go, but the resulting furore would be hugely damaging and divisive.

Witness David Hulme's group. Dave, a man with intellectual pretensions, reportedly tried to excise BI. The result? His micro-COG hit the rocks.

Witness a certain administrator at LCG's Living University. One day he's debunking BI, next moment there's a job offer with status and lots of moolah on offer - an easy path to a super-comfy retirement. Suddenly BI is back on the menu, a dead rat served with a garnish of parsley. His response? Pass the condiments.

The real issue, however, is that the COGs have taught BI for so long and with such uncompromising devotion that they've painted themselves into a corner. It's seen as a core belief. You have to suspect that "de-emphasis" has been suggested as a strategy more than once around the council table, but the stupider pastors won't have a bar of it. The dead rat stays!

You can't really blame the good folk in the pews either. They've been conditioned to resist "liberalism" (whatever they think that means) and shun Laodicean tendencies on pain of losing their salvation. Moreover, they've been browbeaten into thinking that the ministry knows best.

There are lots of people - a disproportionate number of them in positions of responsibility - who are fully aware that BI is horribly wrong. And yes, there are names here we'd all recognize. The effort to get rid of it is not worth the hassle, though. BI is wedded to a misplaced confidence that the movement has the inside track on understanding prophecy.

Which it doesn't.

If BI goes, the game - so, it is feared - is up.

So pass the dead rat. Perhaps it'll be more palatable with a nice jus and a side salad.

Thirty Years On

It's been thirty years since Herbert Armstrong departed the land of the living - now ticking on for 31. After three decades we're beginning to see a major die-back among those groups that loudly claimed his mantle.

The Church of God, an International Community is one of them. Splintering from UCG and led by former World Tomorrow presenter (and later founding UCG president) David Hulme, it struggled on for years, never reaching a critical mass. COG-AIC haemorrhaged prominent ministers. Rumour has it that Hulme thought he could get away with dumping the deeply flawed British-Israel doctrine, but Peter Nathan et al had other ideas. It no longer publishes its journal, Vision. In fact, the energy levels were so low that subscribers weren't even informed of its demise. COG-AIC has been downsized, scaled back to the point of irrelevance.

There are also reports that the Philadelphia Church of God has been hit in the pocketbook to the tune of a 25% reduction in income. PCG continues to throw money at its British Bricket Wood clone, Edstone Hall, and Gary is reporting that founder Gerry Flurry is set to purchase a personal jet to wing him - and members of his inner circle - across the Atlantic and beyond, just like his long-dead idol. Apparently flying commercial (and we're clearly talking first class here) is just too much for the great man to endure. How can he afford it? Perhaps it's all those bequests that have accumulated over the years, the gift that keeps on giving. Reason enough to check that your current will is up to date and that the parasites don't get a red shekel.

The United Church of God, an International Association is treading water at best. It's not that they're not trying to recruit new blood, it's just that they're not very good at it. UCG is still operating with a 1980s mentality, despite having paid out big bucks to bring its websites and media facades up to scratch. The message, however, is firmly targeted at old white males of the grumpier variety. Alas, lads, not only are the times a-changin' but so is the demographic.

The Living Church of God is facing a challenging time. Meredith won't be around forever, his successor is probably not up to the job, and there's widespread disillusionment in the ranks. Meredith predictably blames it on Satan. Anyone with a functioning brain can apportion responsibility closer to home than that.

And out beyond the barriers and borders that each of these "major" bodies has erected? "Here be dragons." With a couple of honourable exceptions, there you'll find Thiel, Weinland, Dankenbring and their ilk. Hardly a pretty picture.

The Churches of God will battle on in an increasingly diminished capacity for some time to come, but they have about as much chance of making a comeback as Christian Science or the Christadelphians.

One Accaudle

I'm sure you'll be as thrilled as I am to know that the June issue of One Accord, the COGWAddler member mag, is now available. The theme of the issue is the ongoing success of the Foundation Institute, COGWA's version of Living University, or the Ambassador Bible College etc. etc.

I've never worked out why the COGs don't just pack up their budding young ministerial recruits, provide a toothbrush (branded with the church logo) and a generous study allowance, and send them off to a real university to acquire a real degree. It'd certainly be a lot cheaper. But then, I guess, there'd be fewer jobs for the lads in suits, and you never know what crazy ideas the youngsters might pick up without the oversight of salaried enforcers.

But what a pleasure to see the gang lined up for group photos. And my, there's that nice Mister Jeff Caudle, former High Poobah of the UCG in New Zealand. No explanation as to why he was caught up in what seems a very basic program of study, though Jim Franks implies it's because he "recently relocated to the area from New Zealand." That's a reason? Presumably it was felt that he needed to be retreaded to re-enter the ministry. Funnily enough, just yesterday Jeff's name came up in conversation. And yup, there he is, large as life and apparently still keeping (perhaps) one step ahead of the Karma Fairy.

Other matters covered include an article on divorce (I thought Jeff might have written that, but it's by Cecil Maranville), news from local congregations, boot scoots (huh?), ox roasts, Doug Horchak on his excellent adventure in Africa (maybe he'll need remedial classes now too?) and an article by John Columbo on parenting using God as an exemplar... which could be a tad more problematic than John seems to realise.

Available to download.