Through Much Tribulation

The 14th of December has fully come, at least here in New Zealand, where the midnight hour has already struck, and fear not (or perhaps fear greatly), it will be arriving elsewhere in due course.

This is the beginning of the Second Weinland Tribulation.

Ron, a former WCG and UCG minister who founded his own breakaway sect, got it awfully wrong first time around: the Trib was confidently announced for April 17 this year. Oops! But give the guy a break, anyone can make a mistake, right? Today it finally all comes crashing down around us, though Ron says this is in a prophetic sense rather than a literal one, and the faithful followers shouldn't be too perturbed if nothing dramatic actually occurs today. In fact he says nothing may happen for up to a year. In that case, what's the point of the three and a half year period?

This distinction between a prophetic sense and a literal one is a ham-fisted attempt at a stroke of genius. Exactly what he means is a bit cloudy as Ron is a pretty literal-minded kind of fellow, but it should at least buy Ron a few days of grace - or a few months from his denser admirers - before the disturbing and difficult questions start popping up. Questions like: what on earth was Ron really doing with that Swiss bank account he now admits to having?

We know how Ron said he'd handle disconfirmation the first time round: he said he'd admit to being a false prophet and get out of the Bible-bashing business. Of course God was merciful, and faithful Ron was given new insight (the 50th Truth!) - complete with a spiffy new countdown to wow the credulous sheep with - so thankfully the poor man didn't have to back down and keep his word, or, perish the thought - apologize.

But what happens if - heaven forbid! - Ron gets it wrong this time too? I haven't been following the great man's words too closely, but it seems he's not loudly repeating the "get out of Dodge" line from before.

And hey, Ron could be right. All that Xmas shopping and office partying poses a good deal of tribulation after all, not to mention the inevitable arrival of the Visa and MasterCard accounts in January. From such catastrophes Ron and his Santa-free flock will no doubt be divinely protected. Whether the little band of true believers, who have been hanging on Ron's every gracious word for months now, will continue to take the Witless One seriously when no German soldiers appear to goose-step down the main street in Puyallup, Washington... well, only time will tell.

The Gospel from Godsden and a Doudna debunk

AW correspondent Paco unearths a new COG website:

Today I came across a home-made looking booklet titled "The PLAIN TRUTH about Christmas." Clearly produced on a copy machine, the booklet's contents are straight out of Armstrongism, circa 1960. The only clue as to who produced it is found on the last page, which simply lists the web address www.RevelationsOfTheBible.com.

Be sure to put on your sunglasses (or perhaps a welder's mask) before going to the site. "Garish" does not begin to describe the use of colors, print, fonts and layout. The site's owner identifies himself as "James Anthony Roach" (Jim Roach?) of "Godsden, Alabama." The entire site is a rehash of the most speculative elements and hardcore doctrines of Armstrongism. He has a countdown clock to August 31, 2010. Sample at your own risk.

A quick look indicates that UCG needn't worry too much about having their GN magazine site toppled from first place in the COG web rankings.

The election of Barack Obama brought a range of nutty conspiracy-type theories out for an airing. Greg Doudna, author of Showdown at Big Sandy and an expert on the Dead Sea Scrolls, takes time out to pop a few of those balloons with an article called "A Full and Complete Transcription of a Phone Call between Ron McRae and Sarah Onyango Obama of Kenya on Oct. 16, 2008, which has been wrongly alleged to contain a statement by Barack Obama Jr.'s grandmother that Barack Obama Jr. was born in Kenya." Not content with that, Greg, tongue in cheek I suspect, has even given it an alternate title: The Tale of The Secret Kenyan Birth: A Strange Story of a Transatlantic Telephone Call, a Fateful Confusion Over the Meaning of the Word "Present", and a Brief Excursion into the Wonderful World of Conspiracy Theory in American Politics.

This guy has a sense of humor! You can preview a few pages for free, but it'll only cost less than the equivalent of a chai latte or mocha ($3) to download the complete article. Be sure to email the highlights to Dankenbring, Coulter, Billingsley and other "fair and balanced" COG pontificators.

James Tabor - A Personal Manifesto

Dr James Tabor, a high profile scholar at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, has released an expanded version of his book Restoring Abrahamic Faith. He describes this third edition as a personal manifesto. Tabor's earlier bestseller, The Jesus Dynasty, proved controversial in 2006.

Restoring has a narrower marketing focus. The 170 page quality paperback has been published under Dr Tabor's imprint Genesis 2000. A fairly substantial review is planned for January.

Some readers will be surprised that Tabor, who once taught at Ambassador College, expresses continuing regard for historical reconstructions that mesh with British-Israelism:

... history shows that the bulk of these tribes migrated northwest into Europe, and did finally fulfill the promises that were made to the two sons of Joseph - Ephraim and Manasseh, about unprecedented national greatness (Genesis 48:4-20.)

This is, however, only a small part of the book's argument, which includes a call to refocus biblical faith on "core" passages in the Hebrew Bible, and embrace a thoroughly human understanding of Jesus. This seems to be, essentially, a Noahide perspective, a movement Dr Tabor has identified with. More detail will be available in the review, but for those who don't want to wait, information about Restoring Abrahamic Faith, including how to order a copy, is available at the Genesis 2000 website.

Hark the HQ Honchos Sing

WCG's denominational magazine, Christian Odyssey, is out in what might be described as a Christmas issue, complete with sappy cover, shepherds and baby in a manger.

There are wise men too... five not three - Tkach, Kroll, Halford, Feazell and Morgan; all providing seasonal articles, and one wise woman (Barbara Dahlgren). Halford and Feazell in particular have provided a fictional retelling of the Christmas story which would surely leave old-time literalists shaking their heads... it absolutely ain't Basil Wolverton's Bible Story.

Given WCG's well-known former position on Yuletide, it seems a bit strange that Joe Tkach's references to non-observance are indirect and non-specific. You might be forgiven for thinking he was engaging in an arms-length discussion of a subject remote from his own experience.

Given the results so far of the latest poll on this blog (in the sidebar), around half of the readers here still regard Christmas as pagan and to be avoided. If that's the response among a more "liberated" cross-section than most, it would be interesting to know just how many of those who still attend WCG feel comfortable with the Great Christmas Capitulation...

Gerry's tantrum II

A full page ad in The Oklahoman features the prophet's protestations...

Click to enlarge. Unfortunately not easy to read even then, but you'll get the gist of it. (Update: the full text is now on PCG's website here.)

Gerry is not happy!

Gerry is, of course, Gerry Flurry, a.k.a. "that prophet" and Pastor General of the PCG (Philadelphia Church of God.)

The Branch Davidian references on Fox really seem to have set the old boy off.

"It was disgraceful. Yellow journalism at its worst." He speaks of his "1993 sin" which "I publicly repented of before the church and before God..."

"We will not allow Fox 25's damaging innuendos, smears, and lies to be the last word."

Fox News has attacked not only PCG, but "Almighty God!" "Fox 25 has more in common with the Branch Davidians." Gerry also spend a lot of column inches attacking David Ben-Ariel, formerly David Hoover.

Gerry, Gerry, Gerry... dude, chill; you're just digging yourself in deeper.

(Thanks to David Ben-Ariel who drew AW's attention to the ad.)

Addendum: The Flurry cannonade sounds again: round two of full page ads. Methinks the PG protesteth too much...

The Old Gray Hymnal

My memories of WCG are intertwined with the purple hymnal. It was the official hymn book when I first attended on the Feast of Trumpets in 1975 (at a forgotten rural hall a few kilometres out of Hamilton), and was still a solid fixture at the last service I attended (at the Epsom Girls Grammar venue in Auckland), years later. Even now those Dwight Armstrong hymns pop back into memory at unexpected moments - especially, for some reason, on long road trips.

But before purple there was gray, and by the miracle of PDF files we can now all peruse the hymnal that reigned in the Empire prior to 1974. (This is perhaps the 1958 edition, updated after the name change from Radio Church of God in 1966, though that's just a guess on my part as the PDF files carry no copyright information. Can anyone clarify?)

You may be as surprised as I was at what the brethren were singing way back then. Of course there are lots of Dwight Armstrong's earlier tunes, though many carry different titles. But how about these weeds in the garden of the Eternal:

- Standing On The Promises
- Stand Up, Stand Up For Jesus
- I Would Be True
- Open My Eyes, That I May See
- No Night There
- Safely Thro' Another Week*
- Just When I Need Him Most
- Jesus Calls Us, O'er The Tumult
- With Happy Voices Singing
- Blessed Assurance
- It Is Well With My Soul*
- I Need Thee Every Hour
- I Love To Tell The Story
- Sweet Hour Of Prayer
- What A Friend We Have In Jesus
- In The Garden
- Count Your Blessings*
- Tell Me The Old, Old Story
- Day Is Dying In The West
- Blest Be The Tie That Binds

All of these were "purged in purple," and it seems that the WCG took a further turn to the sectarian (at least musically) in the process. (You have to wonder how Onward Christian Soldiers managed to survive the cull of 74.) Would current PCG, RCG or LCG members feel comfortable with these pre-purple "Protestant" songs? I found just browsing through the pages brought on, as you'll see if you click the links above, a definite Pat Boone moment- very scary! - surely the Old Rugged Cross would be only a few pages away... (it wasn't.)

In 1993 the "reformed" WCG published their new hymnal, which reintroduced a few of these titles (the ones with an asterisk), but the rest continue to disappear out of living memory.


You can download your own copy of the gray hymnal here.

Addendum: I keep looking at the way the color/colour grey/gray is spelled in the above item, and brethren it just ain't right! Everyone in New Zealand familiar with Footrot Flats knows it's the Grey Ghost, not the Gray Ghost. The problem is compounded by the fact that, in deference to the number of AW readers coming from General Washington's rebel colonies, I usually adopt US spelling. But, without wanting to labour/labor the point, here's the best discussion on this weighty issue I've come across.

Whew! Glad to have that off my chest.

PCG throws tantrum

All the toys were thrown out of the cot at a recent PCG press conference. As reported on other blogs, the Flurry High Command was not amused by local coverage of the church on Fox (AW Nov. 30).

Frankly, I thought they got off lightly.

The thing about throwing a hissy fit is that you draw even more attention to the issues you are trying to evade. We now learn the following bit of information.

... about a year ago, [the sheriff's office] conducted a “flyover” of the PCG campus, a preventative measure to see if everything was “on the up and up” and to be sure there would be no Waco-like incident here.

The other notable thing is the existence of a "marketing director" for the church. What, pray tell, are Gerry and Stephen marketing? Public Relations, or Community Relations... well, that'd be understandable, but "marketing director"? Could someone tell these splinters that churches are not supposed to be commercial corporations...

Check out the Everything COG commentary here, and read the Edmond Sun article here. Or just take yourself off into a quiet room away from nearby distractions: you'll probably be able to hear the blubbing and keening all the way from Oklahoma.

COGs online

It's been a long time since AW posted the Alexa rankings for various COG websites, but here are the latest in order from most popular on down to #18.

01. The Good News [UCG], 106k
02. Vision [Hulme], 109k
03. BibleStudy.org [independent], 122k
04. The Trumpet [Flurry], 131k
05. UCG, 134k
06. WCG, 161k
07. BibleTools.org [CGG], 171k
08. Tomorrow's World [LCG], 174k
09. RCG, 199k
10. COGwriter [LCG unofficial], 202k
11. ASK, 322k
12. CGG [Ritenbaugh], 452k
13. Born To Win [Dart], 501k
14. LCG, 618k
15. Beyond Today, [UCG], 643k
16. PCG [Flurry], 656k
17. PTM [Albrecht], 661k
18. COG-PKG [Weinland], 701k

In case anyone wonders about what exactly these sites are, links to all can be found in the sidebar. AW - to anticipate a question - currently ranks just outside this group at 727k. While other ranking systems exist, and Alexa is far from perfect, it does reflect worldwide traffic rather than just US traffic.

Nostalgia returns

Alright, you Poms, Ockers and Yanks can tune out this one (pun definitely intended). Gather around fellow Godzoners, last night the Goodnight Kiwi returned to TVNZ channels after a long absence - we last saw the little bloke in 1994. In those days 24-hour programming was the height of foreign decadence (you Brits, Aussies and Americans aren't still reading this are you?) The new version will screen at 7.30 to encourage the ankle-biters to head off to bed. I'm guessing they'll modify the original (below) as, let's face it, what twenty-first century Kiwi kid would even recognise a milk bottle?



Alternate never-screened version for wicked, degenerate readers...

Version 2

Flurry on Fox

Fox television has screened a couple of brief items on PCG. Featured are Stephen Flurry and former members David Ben-Ariel and Dennis Fisher (among others.) The tone is pure Fox, which won't please the Flurry sect, but it certainly doesn't go into any depth either. Definitely worth watching - but be prepared to wait for the clips to load.

And surprise! Tithing in PCG is voluntary... well, whataya know! Gerry's little problem with the police does get a mention. Dumbest moment: a Fox reporter asking Stephen Flurry whether they're Branch Davidians.

Part 1 / Part 2