THE GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD
INTERNATIONAL MORON
JIVE REDNECK ELMER FUDD
April 12, 1971
Dear Co-Workeh in de Greatest Misshun on Eard:
GIANT doors habe been openigg bef'e me, uh uh uh, one affeh anodeh, wid inbitashuns f' pehsonal confehesss wid gords of state -- presidents, duuhhhh, kiggs, duuhhhh, prime ministehs -- 'n many odehs in high offices of POWER, in many countries around the, uh, the world. Gawlly! De remarkaggle digg dat I did not seek or initiate dese meetiggs -- not oss! Doihh, COOL! I was inbited.
Uhhh.... Mr. Unofficial Citizen doesn't dgust take the, duh uhh, telephone, uh uh uh, dial direck into de pribate office of an obehseas chief executibe, uh uh uh, get him on de phone, uh uh uh, 'n say: "Hi, Kigg old boy! Doihh, COOL! I'm comigg rite obeh t' see you." He wudd nebeh get t' de kigg, de president, uh, or de prime ministeh. Duh.
Eben dough the, duh uhh, time has come, uh uh uh, in dis great Commisshun, when it is necess f' me t' habe dese pehsonal meetiggs, duuhhhh, dehe is absoloot NO WAY I cudd habe taken it into my own hands 'n acc'plishid it. It had t' come like a continuous chain of MIRACULOUS occurresss, GEEEHEEHEEE.And it is habigg TREMENDOUS SIGNIFICANCE to the, uh uh uh, finishigg of dis most iportant Commisshun on eard in 1900 years! Huh huh!
Dese behy iportant meetiggs habe subben catapultid de entire Work up onto a new 'n higheh plateau! Doihh, COOL! De Work has mobid subben into a TOTALLY NEW PHASE! Doihh, COOL! Dese probidenshul new debelopmins signal the, uh, the warnigg t' YOU 'n to me dat webuh do not habe much time left t' get done THE MOST IMPORTANT DgOB ON EARTH IN 1900 YEARS! Doihh, COOL! Webuh habe now been mobid into de last 'n final phase of de Work f' dis Age! Huh huh!
De PLAIN TRUTH 'n TOMORROW'S WORLD habe become mass- circulatid magazines -- now among the, uh, the world's largest. De PLAIN TRUTH, especial, is gainigg worldwide recognishun 'n prestige as a high kality audoritatibe magazine -- eben in top circles of gobehnmin 'n educashun in countries all obeh the, uh, eard.
Wid so many MILLIONS of peoble beigg reachid all obeh de world, uh uh uh uh, it has become NECESSARY t' de Work dat I, as webuhll as my son, Garneh Ted, uh uh uh uh, 'n odehs on our editorial 'n research staffs, duuhhhh, maitain a grasp 'n insite into world conbishuns such as is possessid by few on eard! Doihh, COOL! As Editor of De PLAIN TRUTH 'n TOMORROW'S WORLD -- wid such multiMILLION readehships -- dese pehsonal confehesss wid rulehs of nashuns around the, uh, the world are probidigg behy iportant matehial f' articles. Still more, uh uh uh, dey are gibigg me increasid UNDERSTANDING 'n insite into de progglems facid by many of the, uh, the world's chief rulehs, duuhhhh, usual not disclosid to reportehs, duuhhhh, correpondents or editors of commehcial magazines or newspapehs.
Uhhh.... Until recent webuh had reached, uh uh uh uh, in dis Great Commisshun, primary de grass roots -- de masses of the, errr, common peoble -- de RULED. But in dis greatest Misshun in 1900 years, duuhhhh, it NOW has become NECESSARY dat webuh get direck to dose in TOP POSITIONS OF POWER -- AT THE TOP -- THE RULERS! Doihh, COOL! De Work had, uh uh uh uh, of necessity, begin whehe it did. De time NOW has come when dose who wield de POWER must also be reached! Huh huh! Of myself -- or wid de HUMAN abiltiby of our entire organizashun -- it wudd, indeid habe been IMPOSSIBLE! Doihh, COOL!
THINK what a great Work has been genehated! Huh huh! And yet, uh, WHAT A SHAME dat I habe t' tell you it is facigg a financial CRISIS, in which webuh may eben habe t' STOP publicashun of De PLAIN TRUTH! Doihh, COOL! I'm not goigg t' say any more. God's peoble don't beg! Huh huh! T' dgust sip state de NEED -- the, errr, critical CRISIS NEED -- ought t' be enough. GEE danks. Until next mond, when I will rebeal t' you, in confidess, de incrediggle circumstasss by which dese giant doors habe openid bef'e me, uh uh uh, I lee a mitey sehious crisis-decishun in your hands. Gawlly!
Wid sissere lobe, uh uh uh, in Dgesus' name, uh uh uh,
Hehbeht W, GEEEHEEHEEE.Armstrong
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